in: Dating & Relationships

Dear Alisa: My boyfriend left me for his ex…

How exactly do you find a silver lining when your partner leaves you for their ex? Alisa offers advice on how to ease the pain of an unexpected betrayal.

Dear Alisa,

My ex broke up with me because he still loves his ex. He cheated on her with me and I didn’t know he had a girlfriend when we started to date. She found out about us so she left him and now I realize he only stayed with me because he was too sad to be alone.

After everything I have done for him and after I fell in love with him, he left me for her because she decided to forgive him and take him back. We were so good together—like the best relationship I’ve ever had with the most connection.

I am so heart broken.

Dear Used and Confused,

Let me thank the Universe for you that this guy is no longer in your life as a partner. Ending relationships is never easy—especially when you feel heartbroken and are experiencing what feels like a great loss. I empathize with the heartache you’re feeling!

Within the mixed emotions, disappointment, betrayal, and loss you are feeling, is the silver lining of blessings and heartfelt support you’re being given. Even if you can’t feel it or know it yet, it is present.

This guy cheated on his girlfriend with you and, although you didn’t know it at the time, he certainly did—which shows his integrity and how he is willing to treat the love in his life. He then entered into a relationship with you before he had fully closed the door on his last, which was an unfair place to meet you and pursue you.

You deserve someone who honors the love you have to give and wants to embrace it fully while reciprocating it, someone who values and respects you and would never be dishonest, disloyal, or take advantage of your love—a person who honors their partner and their behaviors with that partner; a person who honors others in general; a person who would love their partner to the depths of their soul and never play games with another’s emotions and connections.

This guy is showing you exactly who he chooses to be in life and how he chooses to treat others, especially those he creates intimate relationships with. I know you do not want to be the future version of his ex who he cheats on, selfishly fills the space with another’s affection, then returns to you and a relationship where trust has been broken.

Your silver lining is you are not that woman and you will not go through that.

Even though you invested your heart and felt a strong connection with him, the Universe is showing you this is NOT the partner for you. He is not able to be what and who you deserve. This gift allows you to move forward and find that magnificent love your heart desires. You’ve been provided with an exceptional gift: truth. You’ve been shown how inarguably wrong this guy is for you. Huge gratitude to the Universe for removing him from your path so you can find true love.

It’s OK that you loved him, that it hurts right now, and that you are grieving. This experience will evolve your heart so you are exactly where you need to be to meet your true love. This is a time for you to nurture your own heart and disconnect from his energy entirely. This is a time for you to be present with the hurt you feel and love yourself through it—a blessed moment in your journey in which you get to love yourself through this hurt and come out of it even more brilliant!

Reclaim your energy and love the parts of you that hurt right now. Your focus is you as he has already shown you him, gifting you with clarity so you can choose only what brings you love.

A healthy relationship is one where you wake up every morning knowing that you choose your partner, that that choice can change, but you love making the choice to keep choosing them. You meet each other in that loving space each day, each moment. Your great love is someone who chooses you with 100 percent of their being and honors you as such, treasures your heart, is tender with it, and loves it for its glorious innocence, always conscious of treating it as such.

Loving this guy has opened up your heart in a way that it needed to be opened for your next relationship, has lifted you to honor yourself and how you deserve to be treated, and has provided you with an opportunity to expand personally and choose relationships from your highest self with clarity.

This silver lining shines infinitely from the light of your heart!




Dear Reader: do you have any dating or relationship questions for Alisa? Yes? Excellent! Send us a love note to [email protected] with the subject line: DEAR ALISA and have a happy day! 

About the Author:

Alisa Kalina

Highly-attuned empath and clairsentient intuitive, Alisa Kalina promotes self-love and transformation by connecting people to their own hearts and to the hearts of all. She provides multi-dimensional support, wisdom, intuitively inspired guidance, and compassionate coaching, to empower your growth and connect you with your divine self. Through intuitive, clairsentient receiving and connection to your Higher Self, her guidance can clear energetic blockages, heal emotional wounds, break self-defeating patterns, clarify and transmute conflict, transform your relationships, as well as creating soul inspired change for your evolution, empowerment, and healing. Check out Alisa's weekly advice column here on MeetMindful and learn more about Alisa's work at


Join our Mindful Movement!


Sign up today, and we'll share bi-weekly Mindful Moments, full of helpful tips, tactics, and content to improve your life!


"Without a doubt, the most engaging written piece on mindfulness!"

- a Mindful Moment Subscriber


(We'll never sell or share your information, either.)

You have Successfully Subscribed!