in: Dating & Relationships

What’s Love for a Non-Hopeless Romantic?

For the hopeless romantic, love is a many splendored thing… or so they say. But what about the rest us? How do we define and experience love?


We all have different ways of loving someone, but people often stereotype a person in love as being “romantic.” For this reason, a non-romantic person is often tagged as a person who doesn’t know how to love.

Being in a relationship with a non-romantic person may seem to be a struggle. You don’t feel the excitement and the thrill of being in a relationship, not as easily. But if you are willing to commit to the relationship, to be in it for the long haul, you must understand that the expression of love is not the same.

I am a romantic person, but I have been in a relationship with a non-romantic person for several years now. Based on my experiences, these are the points you need understand with your partner to make your relationship work.

Think of what he does, not of what he doesn’t do. 

Non-romantic people are not good at expressing their feelings, but they are great when you appreciate what they do. Don’t expect flowers or chocolates from them or you’ll end up disappointed. Also, don’t force them to do things they don’t usually do—like wearing a couple shirt or having a candlelight dinner—because you will more likely end up in a fight rather than enjoying each other’s company.

Instead of getting too pushy, appreciate the little things that your partner does for you. In my case, I have learned to appreciate smaller gestures, like how my boyfriend takes the time to drive me back and forth from home to work whenever my car breaks down (which happens almost every month). It may seem simple, but knowing it will mess up his work schedule, it’s actually a big sacrifice for him. I know it’s not the most romantic gesture, but that’s how he shows me he cares. I’ve learned to appreciate it along with so many non-romantic (but loving) gestures he does.

Think of what your partner does for you, it may not be romantic but if it’s done with love, be thankful. That’s their own little way of showing you how much they love you.

Just because he doesn’t status it, doesn’t mean he isn’t committed. 

Social media has been an integral part of life for many of us. I work in the online industry and I am no longer surprised to see “in a relationship” status, social media PDA, wedding proposals, and over-the-top relationship posts on social media platforms.

Love or relationship declaration in social media is very common these days. Unlike a typical person who is in love, a non-romantic person does not usually post relationship statuses, but that doesn’t mean that he is not serious about you.

The seriousness and commitment of a person in a relationship are not measured by how often he proclaims love on social media. There are many factors to consider before judging how committed a person is in a relationship—social media is not even on the list. Social media is not a prerequisite of a long and lasting relationship.

There are more enjoyable ways to celebrate anniversaries. 

As I mentioned above, non-romantic partners do not generally prepare candle light dinners—they get bored with them. For a non-romantic person, celebrating anniversaries should be done in a more meaningful and beneficial way.

My boyfriend and I celebrated our first year anniversary in a fancy restaurant with a live acoustic band. It may seem romantic, but for a person who gets bored after sitting still for five minutes, he did not enjoy it; and to tell you frankly, neither did I. Yes, our first-year anniversary celebration was a disaster. 

But we learned our lesson. The following years, we decided to do something more worthwhile, something both of us would enjoy like hiking, going on a picnic, and playing sports together. Yes, we enjoy that kind of stuff; and besides, staying active is a good way to achieve a work-life balance and of course, a relationship balance.

Here is the point, if you are in a relationship with a non-romantic person, you can veer away from the stereotypical fancy dinner and find something you both love. There are tons of activities for couples. Summon your creativity and make this special day in your life memorable and enjoyable for both of you.

Stop all the grand gestures.

If your partner is a non-romantic person, don’t attempt to surprise him or her at his/her office with your heart-shaped home-cooked meal. Among the things that a non-romantic person doesn’t like, being the subject of talk at the office is on the top of the list—getting the attention of the people is likely to ruin his day.

If you want to surprise your partner, do it when they return home from work, when they won’t be the center of a crowd’s attention. You don’t need to shout to the world how much you love him; he knows it and of course, you know that he loves you. Besides, it’s way better to surprise him in private, so you can get your “thank you” in private as well.

What’s with all the drama?

Most guys hate drama, but non-romantic guys are the worst case. For men, drama includes their partners starting an argument, overreacting on things, or blaming. For a non-romantic person, they can’t take drama in a relationship. As much as possible, they avoid confrontations, especially when accompanied with irrational opinions, crying, or shouting.

Arguments, conflicts, and fights are a part of every relationship; you can’t avoid it. But as the other half of the relationship, you should be aware of how to start a healthy discussion with your partner. Before you talk, think first if there is a good basis for the issue or concern. Be rational and weigh things first.

Also, if you need to talk and sort things out, finding the right time, right approach, and right words can help your partner listen to you. It’s alright to get upset or get angry, but be sure it doesn’t impact your judgment. 

Last Words

If you think you and your partner are so different from each other, if he is not as romantic as you are, it is not something to fret about. One thing I learned in loving a non-romantic person is that more than a bouquet of flowers and fancy dinner dates, love is expressed well in supporting each other’s endeavors, in creating future plans together, in finding time for each other amidst the busy hectic schedule and other unromantic things which unknowingly contribute to the growth of a relationship.

There is no easy way to pull off a healthy, long-lasting relationship and there is no guarantee on how long a relationship will last. Many couples are lucky enough to get married and make their relationship last, while others are not as fortunate. But there’s one thing in common with lasting relationships: they know how to settle their differences. They do not try to change their partners, nor do they change into an inauthentic version of themselves. Instead, they learn to meet halfway.

[image: via shutterstock]


About the Author

key acanto-headshot photoKey Acanto is a self-improvement and motivation writer and editor of Scoopfed.com. As a writer, she wants to provide inspiration and motivation to her readers in all walks of life. Aside from being an editor, she also contributes articles to other health and motivational sites like bodyapplicatorwraps and pickthebrain. You can stay connected to her through her LinkedIn and Twitter accounts.

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