When we’re experiencing our own period of personal transformation, we sometimes forget it can have implications for those we’re in relationship with, too.
Under all circumstances, wanting to be a better person is admirable. It’s something we all strive for. But, what happens to your relationship when you make those long sought-after changes? It should make everything better, right? Personal transformation and relationships are a funny thing. As you understand the first, the impact on the second—while maybe not pleasurable—makes sense.
Enlightenment is a process of lightening up. Meaning: your burden, confusion, and selfishness are giving way to joy, clarity, and presence. Sometimes we enter into relationships based on the burdens we carry and the very thing that we are trying to unload. It makes perfect sense that the relationships centered around our deepest wounds can disappear as quickly as the process of healing them.
Burden to Joy:
What is a burden, really? It’s the weight of your ungrieved spirit seeking acknowledgement and release. The more you receive its presence with compassion, it transforms into grief. Embracing this process creates a lightness unlike any other experience you can have, not even a good adrenaline rush compares.
In a relationship:
The beginning perception of a person who is new to the process of transformation to their stationary partner is repulsion. They begin to witness their movement and lightness in reference to the perceived negativity or misery of their partner. Phrases like higher or lower vibration, positive or negative attitude, or old or new soul are all common in this phase of development. A relationship created in this place is all about inner conflict and outer struggle. It’s possible to make this work but you must choose patience.
Confusion to Clarity:
It is through our emotions that we decipher and relate to our world. Confusion then, is the next logical phase of lightening up. Confusion means you are fluctuating between dominance and submission. In certain scenarios, you perceive and desire the illusion of control. In others, you give over to the dominance of others.
In a relationship:
This phase of lightening up helps you to consciously recognize that you see your world how you see yourself. Victimization is a popular sentiment in this process, so a relationship here can often be volatile and steeped in conflict. Sometimes, things are over as quickly as they start. The true spiritual purpose of these relationships are to promote the release of ungrieved pain on every level. On the up side: they are an efficient way of healing.
Selfishness to Presence:
Self-awareness is not a gift, it is earned over lifetimes and the hard won battles of self-mastery. The process of becoming present is to recognize that your anger is a tool you use to be present in the moment when you are not. The more you can not get mad, but become present to what is happening, the easier you will recognize whatever you need in the moment and will, in turn, readily have access to it.
In a relationship:
Peacefulness, to a victim, is boring. If that phrase made you angry, you are contending with your burdens but will soon experience a powerful transformation. If that phrase made you irritated or sad but you heard it, you are squarely in your confusion here, and your goal is to surrender to the emotional movement at this time. Don’t try to understand right now, just feel. If you giggled a little at this phrase because you know that’s right, you have surrendered to being at peace with your past and feel anchored in your present. No matter which response you have, you will attract partners who mirror the same thing back to you.
It’s important to understand we are all traveling through all of these phases of enlightenment at any given time and in relationship to different circumstances. A truly enlightened person knows it is not the absence of burden that gives us wisdom… it is the joy with which we pummel each one that does. So do yourself a favor: In your relationships, be patient with yourself love one another and don’t resist the flow of movement. It’s the shortest distance to exactly where you want to go.
The first installment of Tracee’s The Demon Slayer’s Handbook Series, Master Your Inner World- Embrace Your Power with Joy was published in May 2016.
Every day we are exposed to negative influences that impact us on all levels. Discover what they are and how to wield your power to transform or repel them
This book will demystify and unravel confusion around complete self-acceptance and the healing of your inner world, and ultimately your outer world. Gain a brave new perspective of the multiple dimensions of energy that can influence you and understand the profound magnitude of your power in any situation.