in: Dating & Relationships

In Love and Afraid They’re Not the One?

With the euphoric high of love, we can convince ourselves of a connection that isn’t actually there. We’ve got you covered, though. Here’s how to be sure.

Do you know what’s worse than having your heart broken? It’s having your heart broken by someone you knew wasn’t right for you all along. It’s that feeling of regret that you should have left sooner.

Well, as the saying goes…hindsight is 20/20.

Wouldn’t it be nice to know up front if this person was the right one for you, before you invested your heart into the relationship? The reality is we don’t always know. Sometimes people and circumstances change, and we find out the person we fell in love with is not the person in front of us now.

What do you do when you feel like you’re in love, but you have that nagging voice inside that tells you this might not be the right one for you?

Don’t let the high of love deceive you.

It’s easy to lose our senses when we fall in love. Chemicals like dopamine, oxytocin, and endorphins are what give us the positive feelings we associate with falling in love. These chemicals have a strong influence on how we choose and stay with a partner. When we are around someone we’re attracted to, we can feel physical symptoms like a flushed face, racing heart, and an overall warm feeling. We literally feel the “chemistry.”

This high is what keeps our species going…it works to help us connect to another human being. It’s a good thing! However, this rush can be deceiving if we get lost in it, and overlook red flags because we are too hooked on the good feelings this new person creates in us. Because of this, it’s important to have a few sober reminders that you are aware of prior to getting high on love, so you can be sure you’re able to see clearly when the rush hits.

Trust your gut…and your body.

If you’re confused about whether a partner is good for you or not, trust that your body knows the truth. A great technique to access your truth, is to simply ask yourself the question and feel how your body feels with the answer. Tension and anxiety can reflect an intuitive “no.” Happiness and lightness might tell you “yes.” There may be other physical sensations you feel that can help steer you to your answers about a partner.

Checking in with your body on a regular basis can help you learn the difference between the feeling of having a desire for a relationship to be what you want it to be, and the reality of what it really is.

You always know the truth.

Always, always, always. Most people can look back after a breakup and notice the red flags that were present from the beginning, but they were ignored because the rush of love was so strong it was easy to overlook the reality of a situation. Identify what you want in a partner and stay true to your goal. Keep in mind there is an abundance of opportunities for love in the world and let go of any relationship that isn’t fulfilling. Always trust yourself.

You always know your truth.

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.


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