in: Dating & Relationships

4 Steps to Change Your Dating Habits & Manifest Love

Amy Angelilli

Radical honesty is what Amy Angelilli employed on her path to manifest love. Now she has broken the process down into four steps we can all start on today.


Over Thanksgiving of 2011, I was alone with two dogs doing a housesitting job. As I realized my fate for Christmas would be similar, I made a conscious decision to have the following year’s holiday season be different. One way I could make it different was to go back east to spend the holidays with my family. While that seemed like a reasonable solution it really didn’t get to the heart of the issue.

The truth was that I wanted a relationship—over the holidays and every other day. So in that moment, in that house, with those two dogs, I decided that’s what would happen. A year to the day I made that decision, I got married—to the person who dropped me a note via an online dating website responding to my revamped profile that I posted that same day.

From the armchair, this might sound like a fairy tale. Actually, it was far from it in that it wasn’t particularly romantic—at first. It was more of a shift in mindset that enabled me to approach dating with intention. Because I carried that consciousness with me whenever I went on a date, the act of dating became more purposeful.

Here’s a breakdown of the steps that changed my dating game:

I was honest with myself.

As I was fooling myself into thinking that a beer buddy was a good substitute for a relationship, I got a beer buddy and not a relationship. It’s hard to be honest and vulnerable with other people. Sometimes it’s even harder to be real, and kind, with ourselves.

It was only when I stopped being busy, and sat quietly, that I admitted to myself that I wanted a partner. In that moment, I realized if I truly wanted a relationship, it wouldn’t happen if it kept it a secret.

I communicated my desires.

If what I wanted wasn’t reflected in my online dating profile, it shouldn’t be a surprise that I wasn’t getting it. I objectively reviewed my profile and realized I had put a call out for a male buddy. I already had male buddies, and while having more would be great, it wasn’t my true desire. I took several hours to revise my profile so it could honestly communicate what I was seeking.

I committed to the search.

While I wanted to throw in the towel a few dates in, I realized that although no one I was meeting was my one, at least I was meeting people whose desires were similar. It felt like I was throwing a dart and hitting the board instead of the wall. And, even when I finally met my now-husband in person, it wasn’t a movie moment. But, there was enough of a curiosity to see him again—and that’s when things started to click.

Commit to your heart because even when things look bleak a new beginning could literally start with the click of the mouse, a cup of coffee or a conversation in the park.

I repeated the process.

Every time I had a first date, I had the opportunity to have a second, or not. And, just because a guy was smart, nice, funny, etc., doesn’t mean he had to be smart, nice, funny, etc., with me. Sometimes two smart, nice, funny people just don’t mesh for whatever reasons. That’s OK.

What’s not OK is having that second and third date when you know in your heart that this person isn’t your person. Be honest with yourself. Communicate your desires. Commit to the search. My person showed up after I met several other smart, nice, funny people. But, if I had settled on one of the others, my life would be much different today.

 

 

[image: via shutterstock]

About the Author:

Amy Angelilli Amy Angelilli

Amy Angelilli: Chief Adventure Officer – The Adventure Project Amy Angelilli’s own adventure project began when she turned 40 while on safari in South Africa. Realizing she had veered off the path of her “right life,” she returned determined to make major changes both personally and professionally. In the first half of 2012, she left her relationship, her house and her job. In the second half of 2012, she married the love of her life–one year to the day she unveiled an authentic, heartfelt profile on a dating website. Her latest creation is The Adventure Project, which offers relationship, life and travel adventures to the Every Person via play. When not playing or navigating adventures, she can be found enjoying meaningful travel, restorative yoga or improvisational theater. Her greatest performance is as herself in “It’s All About Amy”–the unscripted story of her life. She also created and produced the theater experience “3 Blind Dates”–Denver’s only unscripted romantic comedy that showcases the phenomenon of modern dating. Follow her authentic adventures on twitter or via her blog and you just might find your own adventure!

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