If you’re feeling the terrible pangs of relationship discontent, this one’s for you. Reassess the partnership and you just might find a good reason to stay.
Relationships are hard work, but they can be worth the energy and time.
As you spend more time with someone in a romantic relationship, you may start to concentrate on their flaws—forgetting about what drew you to them and made you want to commit to them in the first place.
Before you permanently walk away from your partner, ask yourself these five questions:
Are you holding a grudge against your partner?
In relationships with loved ones, be it friends or family, we can unintentionally annoy or upset one another. If you are holding a grudge against your partner, consider forgiveness.
You can take the opportunity to speak freely with your partner about how you feel and how their actions affected you. This will build rather than break communication lines between you. Plus, it is a powerful action to forgive another person. It frees you as well as them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that you condone their behavior, it means that you accept their humanness. You accept their imperfection and give them the benefit of the doubt.
Forgiveness is powerful.
Is your partner challenging you?
A relationship can be a great motivator as a couple can support, encourage, and push one another to excel. If your partner asks you to push yourself, consider their motivation not as an insult, but as encouragement. They want what’s best for you.
As they know you extremely well, they can often see your blind spots and your insecurities. They have an intimate perspective of your fears and desires. Allow them to help you nurture your personal growth.
We’re not talking about being putdown or any form of abuse. If your partner is inflicting physical, emotional or sexual abuse, you have options and there are services you can access.
Do you enjoy the company of your partner?
Friendship is key to a happy relationship—you laugh with one another and there is a sense of fun. You trust your partner and know they care for you as a friend and lover. You enjoy their company whether it’s on a date or doing chores around the house.
Sex is part of the equation, but not all of it. The amount of sex you have will change—at times it will happen frequently, other times not so much. Instead of focusing on sex, focus on intimacy.
Are you running from yourself?
Being in an intimate relationship is a litmus test for your emotional health. It highlights your triggers.
If you only see faults in your partner and place blame on them for the problems in your relationship, perhaps it’s time to take a look at yourself. Relationships take two active participants. What can you and do you want to bring to the partnership?
Are you making the choice to love your partner?
At times, it is easy to love your partner, other times it can be a challenge.
Loving someone is not a passive action. It requires your full engagement, especially when you don’t feel like it. You have to actively choose to see the best in your loved one, not dwell on their faults.
The start of a relationship is the easiest part. There’s lots of physical attraction and all you can see is the good in your love interest. But as the months and years pass, you and your partner’s quirks and faults will start to surface. This will make you need to work on your union—to find reasons to stay.
If you are considering ending your long-term relationship, take a moment to step back from the negatives and reflect on what you gained from your committed relationship. Contemplate what you would give up with honesty and mindfulness.