in: Dating & Relationships

Reframing Failed Relationships with Gratitude

man reflecting on past relationships with gratitude

Chelli Pumphrey

Gratitude is kind of like a superpower—it can transform painful stories into a source of strength in our lives. Here’s how to flip the “bad” to good.


When life hands you a relationship lemon, does it leave a sour taste in your mouth, or does it become the clichéd lemonade?

Let’s be honest. Dating is hard. Relationships are hard. Life often hands us a lot of lemons. Despite this, we still keep searching for love. Why? Because we also know that there is such reward in finding that amazing relationship. We get connection, companionship, a lover, a best friend. It is no surprise that we keep looking, even bearing past wounds.

But what do you do when the lemons of dating are making you lose hope?

Accept everything as a gift.

That rejection, that heartbreak, or that lost love you’re still stewing over…. I promise you, it’s a gift.

How do I know, without even knowing your story? Because it is simply that…. your story. Everything that happens to us has a story attached to it. It is our perception that creates how we feel and experience any given situation. And more times than not, our story is usually connected to a painful myth that we are somehow not good enough for this person who has chosen not to be with us. If you’ve have a lifetime’s worth of other perceived rejections, this becomes one more chapter in your not-good-enough novel.

If you could recognize the power you have to create a story about anything and everything that happens to you, you would never feel rejected again.

You may experience plenty of “rejections,” but the story you tell will be anything but one of rejection. Instead, it could be a series of tales of redemption, learning opportunities, and self-love. It could be about all the times you dodged a bullet, even if you didn’t see it that way at the time. It could be the magic of the Universe, clearing the path for you so you can be closer to finding your true love.

Practice Gratitude.

Practicing gratitude is a simple and powerful way to change your story, and to see everything as a gift.

When you focus on what’s lacking in your life—like love, a companion, or a date for Friday night—it’s easy to get lost in the feeling of scarcity, loneliness, and low self-worth.

Instead, try focusing your thinking on what you have. What is going well in your life?

Here are a few storylines of gratitude to consider:

“I’m so grateful that he ghosted me! He showed me that he is not someone who I can depend on for honest, direct communication, or commitment.”

“I love being single. It allows me time to focus solely on my needs, my growth, and learning to love myself.”

“Even though I’m struggling to see this right now, I am trusting that this breakup will offer clarity and growth in my future. I am open to seeing the gift in this for me.”

“I love the way dating challenges me to be vulnerable. I trust that this process is teaching me many valuable life lessons along the way to finding my partner.”

Where can you challenge yourself to change your story? Where are the gifts you’re not seeing in your experiences? What are you grateful for today?

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at AuthenticDate.com, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.

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