in: Dating & Relationships

What I Learned From Taking Sex Out of a Relationship

While trying to foster greater intimacy with a partner, taking sex out of a relationship might not seem a logical step. Here’s why it might actually work.

—This article was originally published by our friends at elephant journal; we’re republishing (with permission!) because we love it… and them. Enjoy.— 

As I’m a relationship coach, people come to me to solve their relationship problems.

Whether they’re fighting with their significant other, trying to open up their relationship, or wanting to attract better partners into their life, there is usually some kind of drama or unpleasant situation they’re looking to resolve.

What do they want instead?

They want intimacy, understanding, love, joy and freedom. Basically, they want to be happy.

I’m the same way. It’s that whole thing about seeking pleasure and avoiding pain—we all do it.

While I consider myself a highly introspective person who values growth and process, tell me to love the journey in the middle of a fight with my partner and I might say I just want it all to be better.

I want peace, calm and happiness, dammit!

This week, something happened in one of my relationships that totally shook me up.

My partner of three years told me he wanted to move toward being non-sexual with me for a while—and maybe permanently.

My immediate reaction was to cry and search desperately for answers. This wasn’t what I wanted, or so I thought.

Everything else in our relationship has been evolving beautifully and we both wanted to continue building emotional intimacy, so on the surface it made no sense.

Yet, even as I cried and processed over the next few days, a creative well opened within me.

Writing was flowing from me. I started working on launching my podcast. I felt light and joyful behind the tears.

I could feel that something in me that had been blocked had opened up and was overflowing.

Our sexual and creative energies come from the same place. The second chakra is the chalice that holds this vital life energy, and energetic blocks or imbalances in the body can restrict its flow.

We each have the ability to live fully in this energy at all times, regardless of how much sex we’re having or if we even have a sexual partner at all.

Yet, so often we rely on others to unlock this energy in us, not realizing how powerful we are.

Despite knowing all this, being in a non-sexual relationship that I thought was “supposed” to be sexual caused me to question my own expertise over the next week.

A little voice in my head whispered that relationship coaches are supposed to be happily partnered, with rocking sex lives.



Follow us to elephant journal to continue reading “What I Learned from Taking Sex Out of My Relationship” and have a happy day! 

About the Author

Moriah Helms is a contributor with elephant journal, a relationship guide and revolutionary. She helps people break out of the mold and co-create relationships that are based on transformation, growth and joy. Moriah is polyamorous and has been practicing ethical non-monogamy since she was 22. She writes on relationships, emotional healing, the spiritual journey and new paradigm living. You can find her on her website, Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat (@moriahface).

About the Author:

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