in: Dating & Relationships

5 Must Have Traits to Look for in Your Partner

We like to celebrate what’s unique in a partner and to honor what’s classic. Take these five traits, for example—we think every partner should have them.

If you’ve been around the relationship block a few times, you know there are many traits in a partner that can turn you on, and just as many that can turn you off. The list can be endless and may change each time you date someone new. But if you’re looking for that happy, healthy, fulfilling relationship, here are a few traits that should be mandatory in your partner.

Healthy Communicator

Finding a partner who can communicate is key. Two partners together who can communicate is a match made in heaven. Good communication should essentially be clear, calm, and direct. A partner who can openly discuss their feelings, hopes, and fears, and who can handle disagreements without a huge conflict, is a keeper.


Trust is essential. If you don’t have trust, it becomes impossible to grow into a committed relationship. How do you know if someone is trustworthy? Dependability and consistency are characteristics of a trustworthy person. Actions should also match words. If someone talks a good talk, but doesn’t walk the walk, it is a sign they are not worth trusting. Do they share their life with you and want to know more about your life? Trust comes from taking a risk with someone, then learning it was safe to take that risk.

Comfortable with Intimacy

Relationships require intimacy. It’s the main ingredient in a relationship that lasts. Intimacy is the experience of sharing with each other in deep, vulnerable ways. Intimacy can be physical, emotional, mental, or spiritual. It makes us feel we are loved, deeply and unconditionally. When you have a partner who can bare his or her heart, fears, flaws, and strengths to you, and allow you to do the same, you will find peace and security in a relationship.

If you fear the vulnerability and closeness of a relationship, it is tough to maintain for the long haul. A partner who can go there with you will provide the best opportunity for security and love.


Is your partner genuine? Is his personality aligned with what he shows you and the rest of the world? Does she do what she says and say what she does? If you’re dating someone who is hiding, it becomes impossible to create a healthy, loving, genuine partnership. Instead, your relationship becomes a facade. Find a partner who isn’t afraid to show their true selves, and you will have a better chance of finding love that lasts.

Sexual Compatibility

There is no black and white rule that defines a healthy sexual relationship. Frequency, type of sex, who you have sex with… there’s no right or wrong. The key is whether you’re sexually compatible with your partner.

There are a few ways to determine this. Explore what sexuality means to each of you. For some, sex is a way to connect. For others, it is a duty and not a huge interest. For others, it is a playground. Talk about it and find out if you’re on the same page. If you’re a highly sexual person and dating someone who is uncomfortable with sex, this could spell trouble in the long run. It’s also important to have chemistry between you from the beginning. If this wasn’t there at the start, it isn’t going to appear later. If sex is important, you want the flame of desire to be present, or you may find yourself going through the motions of sex and resenting it later on.

It can be helpful to define your own list of traits, but these are some that can provide a good foundation for a healthy relationship.

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.


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