You’ll keep experiencing the same problems—whether in life or in love—over and over again, until you realize this. A healthier relationship starts here. 

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This article is going to teach you the single most important thing you need to know to create a wonderful relationship and life (and it’s something you already know about, because it’s exactly what you’re doing to create a healthy lifestyle here on MeetMindful.)

In fact, in our combined 70+ years of experience counseling individuals and couples, this is the biggest “ah-ha” we see; and if you embrace it when it comes to relationships, you can completely transform everything.

We know this is a big promise, but if you are willing to open your mind and heart, this can be the catalyst that powers the rest of your life.

But before we tell you what it IS, you need to first understand what it ISN’T. And so you need to ask yourself, do any of these thoughts sound familiar?

“I keep attracting people who have commitment issues.“

“If my partner would just pitch in more around the house, I wouldn‘t feel so unhappy.“

“All the good men are taken.“

“My marriage would be a whole lot better if my partner didn‘t work so much.“

“If only my wife would be more passionate in the bedroom, our relationship would be fun and happy again.“

If you always feel disappointed in your partner, your husband, your wife, your dates, and your relationships in general, there is something extremely important you need to know.

The cause of your problems isn’t what you think; and until you understand what’s really happening, you’ll never find the right solution.

Why You Keep Having The Same Problems…  Over and Over

When your relationships keep disappointing you, it’s easy to blame the other person.

You think “if only he would…” or “why can’t she…”

You start believing you haven’t met the “right” person yet, or that things would be better if you just ended the relationship and started over again.

But here’s the truth: starting over won’t solve anything. In fact, you’ll probably have the same problem again… just with a different person.

You’ll date another man who is afraid to commit, or pulls away when you get close, or never shares his feelings. You’ll marry another man who can’t manage stress, or talks too much, or can’t hold down a job.

And the reason is this: whenever you are waiting for something “out there” to change in order for you to be happy, you’ll be waiting forever. None of your problems are caused by the other person.

Absolutely none of them.

The Problem Isn’t “Out There”— It’s “In Here”

As long as you keep pointing the finger at someone else, you’ll keep struggling in love. 

You may get the commitment-phobe to marry you, but then he’ll be lazy, or inconsiderate, or a cheat.

Your workaholic partner may take a sabbatical, but then you’ll find something else to fight about.

Any pattern you see in your life, any fight you have again and again, any jerk you date over and over, any fear or problem or disappointment… all of these things start with YOU. They come from fears and unconscious beliefs and emotions that are secretly running your life. And until you learn how to spot them, and control them, and turn them from unconscious habits into conscious choices, you cannot make a permanent change.

They won’t let you. They’ll pop up again, and hide in the guise of a charming liar, or a nagging siren. They’ll show up when you get angry about un-emptied dishwashers and unwashed children.

They will run your life… unless you don‘t let them.

The Problem Is “In Here”… So Is the Solution!

It might feel daunting and depressing to think the problems you’ve been experiencing in love aren’t “out there” but “in here.” It’s easy to start beating yourself up and feeling overwhelmed and sad; but the truth is, this is the most uplifting news of all:

The solution is also IN HERE. The solutions are right inside you.

All it takes is consciously stepping out of the habitual behaviors and mental programming that have been running your life on autopilot until now. Once you do, you will be able to create a relationship that lasts and deepens over time, and you will also feel happier and more fulfilled in your own life than you’ve ever been.

And here’s the best news of all: you already know how to do this! You’re on MeetMindful because you’re making choices to embrace a healthy lifestyle. You know that nobody else can do it for you. And just as the solution to your health problems are within you, you are also the gateway to a healthier relationship. There is no reason to let what’s “in here” run any part of your life any longer. You have the power to create a wonderfully fulfilling, joyfully intimate relationship, and it all starts now.

Katie and Gay Hendricks are the founders of heartsintrueharmony.com, and have been thriving together in marriage for more than 30 years

Create your healthiest, most genuine and joyous love life ever with Katie and Gay’s free relationship newsletter, Hearts In Harmony. You’ll learn powerful insights and practical techniques based on the tools they’ve developed in their 30+ year marriage. As therapists, teachers, PHDs and authors, they’ve helped thousands of people break free from unconscious beliefs and emotions running their lives, and they can help you too: www.heartsintrueharmony.com