When Macy was faced with a future of unwanted spinsterhood, she made a conscious decision that dramatically changed the course of her love life.
Ten years ago I made a decision.
I gave up my self-deprecating, mean stories about becoming a spinster (or the best damn cat lady). I stopped repeating damaging narratives like “better just settle into living life alone and deal with it, blah-bady, blah, blah, blah.”
I woke up after my 40th birthday—still single—feeling disappointed that I thought 40 would look different. I thought I would have already hit that stage in a long-term relationship where things might even seem naggy, crusty, and need a sassy vow renewal ceremony or something to freshen things up.
Instead, there was no relationship.
That was the day I took charge of my love life—-I made a powerful and conscious decision that I would figure it out no matter what.
It started with honest reflection, being able to see where I abandoned myself by not listening to my spirit, forgiving myself for past mistakes, and accepting myself in a bigger way.
I committed to a Kundalini yoga meditation to clear my “love vibe” called Kirtan Kriya. The Master of Kundalini Yoga, Yogi Bhajan, taught that this helps women develop more clarity and security in relationship.
I did this meditation for 31 minutes a day for 120 days to clear and heal from my past relationships, so that who I am inside was accurately projected out for other people to see. What I personally noticed was I started attracting a whole new caliber of person—and I liked it.
I hired a relationship coach so I had someone available to witness, guide, and support me in not falling into default patterns.
In the past, I would meet someone who had an attractive quality that drew me in—like a great sense of humor—and I would latch on to that ignoring all the red flags that said “this person isn’t a match for you.“ Then the next thing you know, I’m emotionally attached in a crappy relationship, struggling to figure out how to drum up the energy to get out.
My coach made a huge difference because she kept me true to my values and laser-focused on my vision of love. With this support, I wasn’t wasting time on the wrong partners.
Every day, I sat face-to-face holding hands with my future partner. In this virtual rendezvous, I physically reached my hands out making a hand-holding gesture. I didn’t imagine hair color or stature, or contemplate his job, or if he liked Italian food or Seinfeld reruns. I sat with his essence across from me, experiencing the feeling of just being with the one who “gets me”—which brought with it, feeling the bliss of being adored and supported.
I unapologetically told the Universe out loud that I was serious about finding my beloved and I wanted help. When people asked me what I was up to, I said, “I am calling in my special person this year, it’s exciting.” This felt empowering to declare it with love, to let go of feeling like I was a loser or that I would fail or that people would think my goal is stupid. I didn’t care. I chose to be in service of my love story, and I claimed it proudly.
There were still lonely times. So I thought, if I am lonely, there’s probably someone else who is lonelier.
I don’t have children and one of my biggest fears is being in a senior center all alone, without any visitors. I decided to spend a few hours a week visiting cute old ladies in an assisted living facility. We had crafternoon parties making paper flowers or holiday door decorations. I soaked up their love stories, old and new—lots of senior center gossip flying around. We listened to Elvis and Frank Sinatra. And I got my butt kicked in scrabble, but learned a lot of new two-letter words for future strategy. In doing that, I met magical, wise women whose prayers for me to find love were filled with the highest quality, super-charged, manifesting juju—probably the most important ingredient I received.
All of this helped me develop a deeper, more-honest relationship with myself. I got off the emotional roller coaster and was seeing love all around me. I found the “me” in me that could have amazing love.
Six months later, I met my beloved, laser-beam Larry. A kind, loving chiropractor who handsomely dressed like a Sears catalog model from 1976.
Our first date was so validating. Larry took me out for sushi in Boulder. We walked down the pedestrian mall and the most bizarre thing happened. Every 50 yards, someone on a patio, or in a restaurant, or standing watching that acrobat guy squishing himself in an easy bake oven, would call out and say,
“Larry! How are you?! Meet my wife!”
Next 50 yards:
“Dr F my back feels great!”
Another 50 yards:
“Yo, Lar! Just finished another marathon! You’re the best!”
One dapper dude even popped out of the fancy Italian joint and says, “Larry! Come on in! Let me give you a tour of my new kitchen and 100k pizza oven!“ —which was a bonus adventure on the date.
Then when I thought the Pleasantville re-enactment was over, one more guy, driving by in a pick-up truck, rolls down his window and waves us down. “Hey Doc, my foot is like new! Thanks man!“
It hasn’t happened to this degree since. What did I make of it? To me, it was a sweet, green light from the Universe saying: You are safe loving him! He’s a good one.
And he is. He’s really good.
He’s way nicer than I am and inspires me to trust life.
He always has my back.
He believes in me.
He loves me even when I am a beeatch.
He’s generous with our money.
He loves my chihuahuas as his own.
And he accepts that I am a cat lady, even in relationship.
I know that I am lucky and I know that I take all this for granted sometimes. Meeting someone later in life means I have lived without him much longer than I have with him. I am reminding myself to cherish each moment. I’m focused on letting go of petty stuff, because I love sharing my life with him.
Here’s the key, manifesting a relationship this good was only possible because I made a conscious decision 10 years ago to something different. I can link every practice above to my success in love. Unbeknownst to me at the time, Larry was doing this ,too. He had his own relationship reboot at the same time or he wouldn’t have seen me.
Before I wouldn’t have seen or recognized Larry, because before I didn’t really believe I deserved it. I wasn’t even willing to show myself fully; I felt like ‘too much’ and ‘not enough’ at the same time. I was too insecure and embarrassed to even ask for it.
This year, I celebrate my decision with the world in hopes that it stops someone out there right now from giving up and throwing in the relationship towel—and to choose love instead.
Oh to finish the story, as we headed back to the car after a delicious sushi feast, he held my hand crossing the street and casually stated, “I paint my toenails robin’s egg blue, I hope you’re okay with that.” I laughed and said, “Yes!”