in: Dating & Relationships

How to Clear the Slate for Love With a Life Detox

Sometimes the best plan of attack is to clear out the junk and reboot. Tamara Star has some expert advice for a life detox in the name of love.

Albert Einstein was right when he defined insanity as “doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results,” yet most of us continue to do the same old things, while thinking the same old thoughts and hope for life to be different.

We do the things we do because habits are comfortable. Change, on the other hand, isn’t.

Lisa Wimberger, founder of the Neurosculpting® Institute, says, “If you commit to changing your thoughts, behaviors and patterns over 40 days, you are guaranteed to see amazing results.”

I believe the way we do anything is the way we do everything, so when it’s time to turn a fresh eye towards new love, what better way to begin than with a clear slate.

With all this in mind, there are plenty of things you can do right now to begin to clear the slate for love.

In my 40 day personal reboot program, we tackle six areas of life to detox.

Here are six steps you can take right now…

1. Home Detox

Our home should be a sanctuary we walk into at the end of the day sighing with relief; yet, too often we close the door behind us and groan. When we don’t love our environment, it impacts our emotions.


Belongings hold memories. Take a look around right now. I’m betting you can place exactly who you were with and what you were doing in life when you bought that dress or bed. Depending on the memory, your mood is changed. Look at a dress or a suit you bought to wear with an ex and memories come to the surface.

When we hold on to stuff “just in case we might need it someday,” we not only clutter our space, but also buy into poverty consciousness. Holding on to things we don’t use, or things that don’t work, reinforces the belief that we’re not capable to replace, borrow, or rent what we need when we need it.

Your assignment?

Go through your home and let go of anything you don’t love, use, or want anymore. Recycling, selling, or giving away your stagnant stuff opens the door for change (and love) to flow in. Not sure where to start? Fill a bag with 29 things from one room. Trust me, it’s far easier than you might expect—even if you aren’t a clutter lover.

2. Body Image Detox

Mix some sugar with raw coconut oil and your favorite essential oils to make a paste.

Then hop in your shower and start to scrub yourself down with the following ritualistic twist in mind:

Imagine as you scrub that you’re scrubbing away any negative thoughts you’ve had about each body part. Imagine you’re eliminating any touch that was less than loving from your past. Imagine yourself scrubbing away the criticisms your body has endured.

I’m betting if you lost your left leg tomorrow you’d wish for that chubby little thigh back wouldn’t you? If we want to change our lives, we need healthy self-esteem. Honoring your body builds self-esteem—and healthy self-esteem is the foundation for choosing your next partner wisely.

3. Mental Detox

You did not come out of the womb thinking your legs were too short and chubby. Self-criticisms and self-doubt were learned.

I want you to light a candle, make yourself something warm to drink, and settle in with paper and pen.

Next, write down a list of every critical thought you have, or have heard, about yourself—all of them. Once you begin this process, more and more thoughts will come to mind—you may even see the faces of the people who first said them to you. When repetitive thoughts come to mind, go ahead and write them again. We’re peeling back an onion here.

Now the important part.

You are going to become an urban shaman in your own bathroom.

Read through your list of critical thoughts and rip them to shreds. Then get yourself into your bathroom, light a candle, and burn those strips of paper over your toilet until you can’t hold on to them any longer and drop them where they belong—into the loo. When you’re done—flush.

In author Judith Orloff’s book Second Sight, she states: “The practice of ritual has proved of great value for many of my patients.”

When we put our thoughts down on paper, we get them out of our heads and into the physical. When we destroy them through ritual, we get to witness their transformation into oblivion. If we’re going to begin a new relationship with a clean slate, we’ve got to clear out the toxic thoughts between our ears.

4. Relationship Detox

Business Insider writes: “Motivational speaker Jim Rohn famously said that we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.”

I couldn’t agree more, so make a list of the five people you hang out with most.

How do you feel when you spend time with them? EnergizedMotivatedExhaustedSad?

Start to limit your time with the energy suckers. You’ve only got so much time in life, spend it with people who inspire you, love you, and bring out the best in you.

5. Wallet Detox

T. Harv Ecker taught in his book Millionaire Mind that we take on the beliefs of our parents.

So do an inventory and ask yourself:

What was my mother’s relationship to money?

How did she spend it?

What were her thoughts around it?

Was there enough of it?

Was she responsible or irresponsible?

Am I mimicking her, or doing the opposite in hopes of not becoming her?

Is this serving me?

Write your answers down and repeat this with your father in mind.

When we bring our subconscious beliefs to the surface, they don’t run us anymore. We get to choose whether or not we want to model our money practices after our parents’ practices, or if we want to choose differently.

6. Plate Detox

Eat right, not less.

The correct ratio of protein, carbs, and fat at every meal and snack causes metabolism to burn hot—and you, in turn, to look healthy and hot.

According to Dr. Barry Sears, author of The Zone, “You can make sure your insulin and other inflammation-promoting hormones stay ‘in the zone’—not too high or low—by eating foods at every meal in the right proportions: 40 percent carbs, 30 percent protein, and 30 percent fat. The body needs the right balance of these nutrients to stay healthy, slim, and operate at peak performance.”

Eating every few hours also stokes your metabolism to burn cleanly and efficiently. We should be hungry every few hours according to

Change may not be easy, but it’s possible. Habits that keep us stuck in life are made in each moment and day by day. Undoing those habits takes the same path. Small changes daily add up to huge results.


Post adapted with permission from

About the Author:

Tamara Star

Tamara Star believes happiness is not a destination, but instead the ability to see the ordinary through eyes of wonder. If you let her, she'll show you how to take the life you're living and turn it into a life you'll love. She's an international best selling author, a regular contributor to the Huffington Post and MindBodyGreen, and is often featured on Yahoo News, Good Morning America and SiriusXM Insight Radio. She's also the creator of the original 40-day Personal reboot—a six-week clear the slate for more love & happiness virtual program. Find the details here. Her first book, a quick and easy read: How to Survive a Break Up and Come Out Thriving, is available on Amazon. Her co-authored book Sexy Secrets to a Juicy Love Life sits on the International Best Sellers List. Follow her on Twitter , Facebook, and Pinterest. Want her free tips and tricks and 11 ways to instantly regain your balance? Click here