Mindful Moment #19 -Loved People Love People

Undoing the Hurt

I’m sure you’ve likely heard the adage that goes, “hurt people hurt people.” It gets thrown around when unthinkable violence happens in the midst of everyday life, when abuse is uncovered, or maybe when therapy has led us to some realizations about ways we may have been hurt (or caused hurt) in our own lives. If you’ve been hurt, you may end up carrying that cycle into your own life and relationships, unfortunately.

You might, if you’ve ever identified with the “hurt” part of the adage, also be dealing with some form of trauma. Internalized trauma, in its various forms, can make us turn those negative emotions inward, leaving them to fester and erode our sense of self. However, if you are determined to break the cycle, and reclaim yourself, your big question might be “how?” After all, you are a product of your environment and your emotions. It might feel like asking a tiger to change its stripes.

Well, let’s start by flipping the adage to: “loved people love people.” And the next step after that is to accept that you need to love yourself. You. Must. Love. You.

At one point in my life, that notion was a wholly foreign concept. It felt selfish and egotistical. It felt wrong to even voice such an idea. Not that I didn’t see value in myself, or have some sense of self that was worth introspective kindness, but my family religion certainly pushed a version of servitude that left my hopes, dreams, and desires somewhere in the Lost & Found box under the stairs. Good girls just let those things go with a sad little pious wave. Bad girls collected their own and whatever else they liked in that box, slung them around their necks like a feather boa, and hit the donut tray on the way out.

But even I got hung up on that most golden of verses: Love thy neighbor AS thyself. Love my neighbor in the same way that I love me? Well, if I don’t love me, I’m not going to do a very good job of loving my neighbor, am I? Loving yourself, actively and with intent, allows you to be loveable and loving of others. Loved people love people. I know, loving yourself doesn’t meet the “romantic love” many of us may be looking for, but it’s still a step toward it. Give yourself permission to take active steps toward honoring and cherishing you.

The admission of needing to love yourself more or better is a great first step. Acceptance allows you the mental capacity to receive a new message, a new set of emotions, and by extension, a new reality.

In this new reality, you are going to love yourself. Not in an ego-centered way, but in a soul-centered way. You came to this life to learn, and one of those lessons is love. So, we have to cultivate love in ourselves, for ourselves and others.

Here are some affirmations you can use to bolster that loving attitude:

I am amazing.
I am precious.
I am valuable.
I am loveable.
I am here now to live my best life.
I am embracing my truth.
I am joyful.
I am beautiful.
I am whole.
I am on my way.
I honor my hopes and dreams.
I cherish me.

And you know what? It might not feel truthful at first. It might feel like a silly thing you are pretending to do. It might feel weird or childish, even. And that’s okay. Do it anyway. Just a few times.

To really set your intention, you can write in a journal about how these affirmations make you feel and why. If it is a struggle, write it out. If it is easy, write some more affirmations specific to your life.

Finally, I want you to take yourself on a date. No wing man or bestie needs to go with you. Just take yourself to a place or event you’ve always wanted to go to. Try that new restaurant you saw the other day. Go see that movie. Take a stroll through the botanical garden or go for a picnic in the park. Allow yourself to just soak up that self-gifted bliss unconditionally.
The more peace, joy, and happiness you can gather up for yourself as a sign of your love, the more you will have to share.

Good luck, my friends!

As always,
Namaste.

P.S. Meghan Trainor & Lunchmoney Lewis made a song called “I Love Me” that is a fun anthem to sing along with if you need something a little more external to get you in the groove.

INSPIRATIONS THIS WEEK

We’re feeling inspired by these incredible and thought provoking pieces:

Lab-made mouse embryos grew brains and beating hearts, just like the real thing The embryos survived for 8.5 days.
Archaeologists Rebury ‘First-of-Its-Kind’ Roman Villa The ruins were originally uncovered in Scarborough, England, last year.
The “Fantastic Giant Tortoise” – Believed To Be Extinct – Has Been Found Alive Stephen Gaughran, a geneticist at Princeton University, has verified that “Fernanda” is related to a tortoise that was taken from Fernandina Island more than a century ago.

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