Mindful Moment #24 - Making Space

Making Space

Have you ever found yourself invited to a place or event and when you got there, there was nowhere to sit? No one saved you a spot?! It’s a little unsettling, but you can roll with it. But then, maybe you don’t really know anyone. Maybe there were some crossed wires in the communication and the inviter didn’t get your RSVP. Did you remember to RSVP? It happens to the best of us.

Some people will be just fine in this scenario. You can strike up a conversation, get someone to scooch over for you to put a chair at their table, or just bop along to the music until you run into the inviter and have a hearty laugh while they introduce you around. Cool, you’re golden.

But for some of us, this is a scenario from introvert hell. This is where I would probably force myself to decide to stay or go on the spot. If I have made it all the way through the door without giving into my social reluctance, I am probably going to stay. At least for a little while. Should I hover awkwardly around the edges of the event? Do I seek out the inviter and glom onto them like a life raft? Maybe. I have certainly done that before. Or should I take the challenge from the Universe and make space for myself?

In mindfulness practices, this is a concept of self-care. To “make” space for yourself is to exist in such a way that you honor who you are, you set boundaries that protect your sensitivities, you explore what resonates with your vibration, and perhaps you find experiences you hadn’t considered before. Mentally “making space” helps you define what matters to you, and for YOU to be on that list. Prioritizing basic elements of self-care is a helpful way to keep your own heart happy, especially if you are constantly providing space for others.

Now, being introverted doesn’t mean you don’t hold space for yourself; it means you need to be selective when the time comes to interact in a social group outside of the norm. But, when your ideal situation goes sideways, how do you honor the choice you made? Is “not having a seat” a deal-breaker? For me, it really depends on the event. If I planned on hanging out with my friend, but my friend is too busy being hostess to hang out, I can surely adapt in some way that isn’t too uncomfortable. I have absolutely decided that it would be better to leave if it feels beyond bearable for me. There is also a lot of truth in that stereotype of introverts being drawn to the pets of the house and just chilling in the corner with Fido. That only works when there’s a pet, though.

I can only imagine that extroverts also have some sort of expectation when being invited somewhere. Maybe you’re better at adapting to mingling with strangers, but may still find something amiss if there is no seat for you. My extroverted friends are much better at adapting to awkward social settings, and honestly, I think that is because you already have something of a handle on what holding space for yourself means. You can turn on the charm, ask interesting questions, and make a new acquaintance as part of your normal existence while also holding boundaries. One of my exes was great at parties, telling jokes and playing to the crowd, but even he confessed that he didn’t like to have that role foisted on him like he was some kind of entertainer who could perform on demand. It crossed a boundary.

If you have done the work of making or holding space for yourself internally, is it easier to make physical space for yourself? I’m not sure, but perhaps it’s easier to exist in a physical space when there is a self-determined buffer. If you carry that buffer with you wherever you go, the no-saved-seat scenario won’t be problematic, your feelings won’t be hurt, and your boundaries won’t be crossed.

Try this to create a buffer space you can take with you, whether you are an introvert or extrovert.

Sit down, close your eyes, relax your face, and drop your shoulders.

Imagine yourself floating weightlessly in whatever body of water you like…a lake, a pool, a nice clawfoot tub.

Take a deep breath, filling your chest, and hold it for as long as you can. Then slowly release that breath.

Inhale again. Exhale again.

Around you, there appears a glowing light. It is soft and warm and makes you feel happy.

The next time you take a deep breath and exhale, imagine yourself blowing a big bubble around your body that encapsulates the light.

Within this light, I want you to consider your heart chakra. What makes your heart feel happiest? What gifts can you give yourself to make that happiness grow? A cup of tea in the morning. A walk at dusk. A quick set of downward dogs. Watching the night sky for meteor showers. It can be anything you want to do that gives you a moment of bliss. Push the happiness into the light so it can surround you. Bask in that feeling for as long as you wish.

When you feel like getting out of the water, take the bubble of light with you. Remember it being around you when you find yourself in uncomfortable or unexpected situations. Let it be the buffer between you and the situation, so that when you choose to respond, it’s through the filter of this light.

May you successfully make space for yourself, friends. Have a good weekend!

Namaste,
Amy

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