When it comes to dating, we think simplicity is best. That’s why we’ve boiled first date protocol down to two measly topics to avoid. Like we said, SIMPLE.
First dates are hard, there is no denying that. We want to make sure that, if nothing else, at least a good time is had by all.
Sometimes knowing what to say and what not to say is a fine line. While open communication and being ourselves is important, so is understanding that all topics have their time.
Here are two topics that should decidedly not be discussed on a first date.
1. The Past
I am all for a discussion of the past, at the appropriate time. Delving into your relational history on a first date, more often than not, is a recipe for disaster. Here’s why:
When we are meeting someone for the first time, we should be focused on getting to know who they are today; not who they were in their past. We all want second dates with happy people who seem happy with themselves, their lives, and to be in front of us. Dredging up the past or starting a conversation with “well my last relationship….” ultimately detracts from the possibility of who is before you right there and then.
2. The Future
“Our kids would be gorgeous” or “what type of marriage ceremony appeals most to you?” are not necessarily the greatest fodder for first dates. I have seen first hand how an otherwise wonderful first date can head south quite quickly when it’s clear that a person is not so much on a date to have fun, but to audition a potential marriage partner.
Even if we know we want marriage some day, our dates should not be crafted around destination but rather the journey. Dates, especially first dates should be fun and light. There is plenty of time, should a connection deepen, to broaden that to include topics such as future desires relationally.
So what does this leave you to discuss on a first date?
The present, of course!
What do you enjoy? How do you spend your time? What is the content of your personality that goes beyond your past experiences and hopes for a future? First dates are a blank canvas upon which you get to shine. Keep things fun and light. Focus not so much on weeding out during this first interaction, but instead on having fun and how that can be accomplished. Put the focus on each other and allow the individual colors that shade who we are to shine.