in: mindful men

Chivalry is Alive & Well: 10 Ways to Be Uber-Romantic

The Good Men Project

Some men cringe at the thought, but being romantic doesn’t have to be a painful experience. Jordan Gray gives 10 amazing suggestions for sharing the love.


gmp bannerRomance is for the unmarried.

Chivalry is dead.”

Real men aren’t romantic.”

I’ve heard these sentiments uttered by people throughout my life. And what a load of crap.

The truth? All men have the ability to be romantic.

Granted, many guys are afraid to do romantic things because they think it will be lame. Or they will get laughed at. Or it won’t go over as well as they had hoped. And so they don’t even try.

Which is a shame.

She loves when you do romantic things for her. Because they are for her. Even if the gesture is silly, she likes it because it means that you like her so much that you’re putting in effort to continually woo her.

The 21st Century Gentleman: Romantic Mindset for the Modern Man

When most guys do work up the courage to do something romantic, it’s often dripping with expectation.

And if you’re using romance as a pre-cursor for wanting something in return, she will feel it.

The proper mindset of a romantic is one of wanting her to know that you think about her and care about her. You employ your gestures as pure acts of love to show your partner that she means the world to you.

Try to come up with your own romantic ideas. They can be creative, observant, playful, simple or childlike, as long as they are thoughtful. As a rule of thumb, if you can picture her melting in front of your eyes with how loved the gesture will make her feel (often followed by a barrage of face kisses) that usually means you are on to something.

How To Give Her The Romance She Wants: The Five Essential Elements Of A Powerful Romantic Gesture

All romantic gestures are not created equal.

Here are some guidelines to be able to come up with your own powerful romantic gestures.

1. Surprise

Surprise is absolutely essential in your romantic gesture.

If you come across as boring and predictable in everything that you do, then you are not being romantic.

But if you keep your partner on her toes by surprising her with your gestures, then your relationship flourishes.

2. Thought

It truly is the thought that counts.

If your gestures takes time, energy, and effort then you’re probably on to something good.

3. Calibration

Your romantic gesture needs to be calibrated to your partner.

In many cases, if it seems like you just recreated a sweet thing that your buddy told you about but it doesn’t really match up to what your partner likes, then it could fall flat.

Take the time to think about what makes her feel loved and appreciated.

Don’t ask yourself “What could I do that would seem romantic?” Instead, ask yourself, “What could I do to make (Insert your partner’s name) feel the most loved and appreciated?”

4. Self-Initiated

While romantic gestures can certainly have a positive effect on Valentine’s Day or her birthday, if your gesture is self-initiated (meaning it happened because you decided to make it happen and not because the calendar told you you should be romantic) then it is that much more powerful.

Sending her flowers just because. Doing the dishes because you know it will make her life easier. Mailing her a random “thank you for being my partner” card (even if you live together).

Taking the initiative in your love life will always be appreciated, so do it.

5. Simplicity

It’s easy to get overwhelmed by the details of having to plan out a five part date with chauffeurs, dinner reservations and candle-lit champagne-fuelled sunsets… so keep it simple! Shave off as many layers of complexity as possible for your romantic gesture.

You don’t need to spend a lot of money (or necessarily time) for your romantic gesture to speak volumes about how you feel about her.

As long as it makes her feel loved, it will be a success.

happy couple hand touch

10 Powerful (and Tested) Examples of Romantic Gestures

1. Keep an Eye on Upcoming Concerts

Be on the look out for upcoming concerts and buy tickets to her favorite acts as soon as they are announced. People bond when sharing activities. Especially peak experience activities like art (music) and sports (sky diving, rock climbing, skiing).

Then deliver the tickets however you want. Leave them under her pillow à la tooth fairy, replace the bookmark in her latest novel with them, or put them in her purse or clutch to find on her own time.

2. Drink Delivery

Bring her her favorite drink (kombucha/coffee/tea/etc.) without warning.

Whether you bring it to her at work, when you return from the gym, or while she’s getting a manicure (bring a straw if it’s a cold drink), you can’t go wrong with this one.

3. Sun Visor Surprise

Do you pick your lady up for dates? Pre-load a few handfuls of rose petals on top of the passenger seat’s sun visor with a taped-on message that says “I Love You” or “You look beautiful”. Then, when your date gets into the car, tell her that she has a little make up smudge on her chin. Wait until she pulls down the sun visor and BAM… flower petals to the face. Instant romance.

4. Create for Her

Write her a list of 100 things that you love about her. Make her a mixed tape/burned cd/personal playlist of songs that remind you of her. Create a collage of photos of the two of you if you’ve been dating for a while.

It’s not about the money that you put into your romantic gesture. In your woman’s eyes, it’s the meaning behind your actions that matters.

The time, effort, and thought that you put into creating her unique gift means that you value her highly and want her to feel special.

5. Simple Surprises

Bring her juice and tea and cuddles when she is sick. Did it just snow and she has to get somewhere? Clear the snow off of her car. Did she just make a mess in the kitchen and now she’s in the shower? Do the dishes. Does she have a minor obsession with chap stick? Buy her surprise chap sticks.

Invest in being an awesome partner and do it because you love her. It’s that simple.

6. Cook for Her

Surprise her by making her an impressive looking meal—especially if you do it at her house while she is at work so she can come home to it at the end of her work day.

7. Stay on Her Emotional Radar

Remind her of your love for her in unique ways.

Text her “you’re gorgeous” out of nowhere. Pass her a crumpled up note while you’re watching your shows together that has an innocent message like “You’re my favorite.” Leave her a Post-It note in her wallet that says “Hello (nickname), I hope you are having a fantastic day. Why do I hope that? Because intelligent, compassionate, beautiful women like you deserve to have fantastic days—that’s why! Love you xox”

8. Make a Night of it

Initiate a surprise night of indulgence where you put on her favorite romantic comedies, order her favorite food (pizza, sushi, etc.) and pamper her with a massage, wine, or both.

9. Help Her with Her Rituals

What do you know that she likes doing frequently but wouldn’t necessarily consistently do it for herself?

Leave a glass of water by her bedside table if she likes to drink water upon waking.

Throw her towel in the dryer while she’s in the shower so that she has a hot towel to dry herself off with when she’s finished.

If you live apart from your lady, stock your place with things that you know she likes (iced tea, a certain kind of toothpaste, make up remover, etc.)

10. Be a Heat-Seeking Missile for Ways to Improve Her Life

If you notice she’s been using the same ratty old umbrella for a few weeks, buy her a new one.

If she is always in a rush in the morning and sometimes skips breakfast, make her something quick and easy to eat (that isn’t too messy) or pack her some snacks in a bag.

Does she keep stretching her neck around because it’s sore? Break out the massage oil, my dude. It’s massage time!

Romance isn’t Dead (but Some People’s Relationships Are)

A thriving relationship is one where two awesome people come together and say “I’m going to make you feel as happy, understood, and appreciated as possible, all the time.”

At the end of the day, she just wants to know that you are thinking of her. That’s the big secret.

It’s one thing to read these words on your screen, and another to take action on them.

I’m begging you, for the love of all that is good in the world, commit (right now) to taking action on a romantic gesture in your love life.

I’ve given you a ton of ideas to implement today, and the structure for creating your own romantic gestures.

Your partner does so much for you and they want to feel loved and appreciated more than anything.

So take out your calendar, schedule it and make it happen.

The world is waiting for you to be your romantic self.


jordan gray bioAuthor and relationship coach Jordan Gray helps people remove their emotional blocks, and get into (and maintain) thriving intimate relationships. When he’s not coaching clients or writing new books, Jordan loves to surf without a wetsuit, immerse himself in new cultures and savour slow-motion hang outs with his closest companions. You can see more of his writing at Jordan Gray Consulting

This article originally appeared at JordanGrayConsulting.com in partnership with the Good Men Project

[image: via Guian Bolisay on flickr]

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