in: Dating & Relationships

Breaking Bad Relationship Patterns

Chelli Pumphrey

If you’re caught in an endless cycle of crap dates, you may want to give up hope. Instead, empower yourself and start breaking bad relationship patterns.


There is nothing like a string of bad dates to make you feel hopeless about meeting that special someone. You might be wondering if there are any good ones left out there! Don’t give up hope. Maybe it’s just time to shake up a few things to help you break the losing streak.

Date outside of your comfort zone.

Do you typically date the same type of people? If you’re like most of us, you probably think you know your “type.” Sometimes trying some dates with people you wouldn’t normally date can be a game changer. This is especially true if you only date the same physical types. Your brain may be registering signs of physical attraction with these people, which might make you overlook their not-so-attractive personality characteristics or life situations that could be incompatible with you in the long run. While physical attraction can be important, if it keeps you from finding someone who is truly compatible for you, then it is probably worth trying something new. You might be pleasantly surprised.

Have no expectations.

What’s the story you have about what a perfect date should be? If you get too attached to your ideas of what it takes to make you feel happy, you run the risk of setting yourself up for disappointment. What if you set an intention to go with the flow on a date, or to just be open to surprises? Try having a mantra that “I can have fun on any date.” Sometimes that “perfect” partner is someone you’d never imagine, but you might miss them if you’re blind sighted by ideas of perfection.

What do you have to lose?

If you’re at the point of hopelessness, and you’ve given up on having a good date, what if you took a risk and did something completely outside of your comfort zone on the next date? Let go of the desire to impress, or to be impressed, and just be. Be you. Be honest. Leave your best clothes and your manners at home and pretend you’re hanging out with a best friend.

Trust the process.

What if you had the belief that every single bad date was happening for a reason? Reframing your thoughts with spiritual beliefs or positive thinking can be a powerful coping skill. You might hold on to the belief that the Universe has a plan, and it’s making you wait because the perfect partner for you is just around the corner; if you get caught up in another relationship (that isn’t going to be perfect) you’ll miss the more important one. You might believe that there could be a lesson in these bad dates that you need to learn in order to evolve. Look at this through a wider lens and see if you can replace your disappointment with hope.

Look in the mirror.

A little self-reflection is always a good thing. Is it possible that you’re contributing to the bad dates? Maybe you have high expectations for perfection. Maybe you’re terrified of the vulnerability and intimacy of a relationship and you’re finding reasons to avoid closeness. Look closely at your part, and then do the work to change it.

The bottom line: do something different. Anything. But don’t give up hope.

About the Author:

Chelli Pumphrey Chelli Pumphrey

Chelli Pumphrey, MA, LPC is a love & dating coach and a Licensed Professional Counselor from Denver, CO. More importantly, she’s a human being who strives to live an authentic life, by being real, raw, and unafraid to express her truth. She is devoted to helping others live and love passionately by gaining the confidence to be authentic in their own lives. She works with clients through her relationship coaching practice and as a therapist and founder of Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, where she offers retreats, dating and relationship coaching and therapy. If you’re looking to boost your dating confidence, self-esteem, and become a dating warrior, you can visit Chelli at AuthenticDate.com, Trilogy Holistic Mental Health, follow on Instagram, Twitter, or like her on Facebook.

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