When romantic expectations are set with an open heart, beautiful things happen. But first we have to get clear on what (or who) these expectations are for.
Expectations are a natural part of the creative process, it is a way that we expand our vision of ourselves, our lives and relationships. So, the question isn’t whether or not having them for others is fair, it is whether or not the expectations that you place on your partner are really the unconscious expectations that you have for yourself.
The foundation of truly connecting with and trusting another comes from being aware of your own needs and fulfilling them. Not necessarily placing your needs on others, waiting to have them fulfilled.
Essentially, trusting yourself enough to be vulnerable with another.
Expectations or Boundaries?
The most important thing to take with you is that expectations in the beginning of a relationship are really just setting boundaries with your partner and negotiating the relationship.
What’s the Real Goal?
Set solid boundaries and learn to accept your partner as they are.
I knew a gal once who was sure she’d found the perfect man. He fulfilled all her expectations: she’d been clear about them from the beginning. He was tall, cultured, a Sagittarius, had a great job, single with no children, could cook, was funny and engaging.
A woman couldn’t want anything more. So, a year into the relationship, when he lost his job he said nothing. She’d made it clear that should he fall short of her expectations, she was outta there. For the subsequent two years, every morning he’d leave the house by 7:30 a.m. to get to work on time, or so she thought. In fact, every morning he would travel to his ex-wife’s house and take care of his four children. The ex-wife and children he’d never told her about and he was a Leo!
She’d been so specific and stringent on so many expectations that she didn’t leave a space for him to reveal himself truthfully and a place to be accepted for who he was. Of course, I am not saying that his lies were her fault. Clearly, his lies were the least of his problems. What I am saying is that it’s incredibly easy if you are still developing your relationship to yourself to set up many specific wants and needs that no human can possibly fulfill them.
Know What You’re Asking For.
The most important thing you can do for yourself is know what it is you are asking for and choose well for yourself. If you want a fortune 500 CEO, don’t expect he/she will have much time for you or romance. Folks who are good at wealth may not specialize in emotional romantic intimacy. When you enter into a relationship with the expectation and intent to reveal yourself fully, ultimately your partner will need to rise to the occasion and do what is necessary in order to make that happen.
What Can You Expect?
Well, the bottom line is that you can expect to attract the qualities in a person that you spend the most focus on in yourself. So, be kind and loving to yourself. Refuse to be harsh and call yourself names. And, follow through on doing all of those things you say you’re going to do. Making yourself your top priority will attract a person who value’s you in the same way. Go forth with an open heart!
[image: via shutterstock]