Nearly every man experiences anxiety when he approaches someone he is attracted to—and anxiety can be paralyzing.
What causes this anxiety? Fear of rejection, lack of self-worth, fear of inadequacy, fear of not knowing what to say or how to carry on a conversation—these fears can hold a man back. We fear the unknown and the What ifs: What if she tells me to f*ck off? What if my breath smells? What if she has a boyfriend nearby? What if…what if…what if…?
But what about the other What Ifs? What if she likes you? What if you two have a great connection? What if your approach leads to what you desire most?
First, you must override your anxiety.
I used to suffer from a similar anxiety until a friend introduced me to a world of pickup, seduction, and social dynamics between men and women. This is not the “seedy and lying bastard who just uses women for sex” form of seduction. This is about personal development, inner game, and owning your masculinity.
Whether you are seeking a one night stand, a long-term or polyamorous relationship, or finding a soulmate to marry, it all begins with The Approach.
5 Tips to Overcome Approach Anxiety
1. Approach, approach, approach. Stop hugging the wall or holding down the bar stool and approach. The fear never fully goes away, but its terrorizing grip gets weaker and weaker the more times you approach. In moments of hesitation, approach anyway. Start with a smile, ask for the time, hold the conversation for 30 seconds, then 5 minutes, and so forth. Start small. Build up.
2. Build Social Momentum. The more women you approach in a short period of time, the more socially adept you will become. Your body language will reflect a person who is relaxed and comfortable with himself. An uptight, anxious man will have a much harder time getting women to interact with him. Go to a crowded place and set a goal to approach 10 women in 30 minutes.
3. She may not like your approach. Not every woman is going to be receptive to you. A rule of thumb is that one-third of women will be receptive, one-third of women will shut you down, and one-third will need to know more before deciding. It’s no big deal. Just like every woman isn’t your ideal, don’t expect to be every woman’s ideal.
4. Congruence as a Man. Congruence simply means an alignment with your thoughts, words, and actions. Don’t say one thing and do another. Don’t approach a girl as “a friend” when really you can’t wait for the opportunity to get her in bed. Own up to that attraction and be brave about it. When you are a man of integrity, a man who knows himself, you build attraction and trust with those you approach. Leave the gentleman bullsh*t out if you are using it as a tactic to get into her pants—she’ll spot it in a heartbeat.
5. Freedom from Outcome. This is a combination of tips three and four. You approach because you want to. You talk about things that interest you. You laugh when you want to, not when you think you should. The reaction of the woman is less relevant than tuning into your feelings. You create the reality you desire and see if she chooses to come into your reality and co-create together. Do not be attached to either your expectations or her reactions, good or bad.
What is your best advice for overcoming anxiety in approaching a woman?
[photo: via Tom Mooring on flickr]
About the Author
Christian R Long is a Flow Coach and Pranic Healer here to assist you in having your perfect day. Christian offers a limited, free 30-minute coaching session, where you will gain clarity of your perfect day, become aware to challenges in creating that perfect day, and feel a renewed sense of enthusiasm and vigor for your life. Contact Christian to reserve your spot by visiting his website or calling (347) 879-0764.