in: Dating & Relationships

Dating Self-Defense: The 3 Most Dangerous Types of Men

There may be many fish in the sea, but some just aren’t worth the fight. Learn to spot these dangerous types of men to protect yourself from another bad catch.

Dating is a jungle filled with both danger and opportunity and it isn’t easy telling which is which. Knowing the specific dangers is key, because blanket judgments like “all men are cheaters” may protect you, but it will also block you from the opportunity of a wonderful relationship.

After the essential ability to say no, being able to identify and defend yourself from the bad actors out there is the next critical skill single women need. So whether you are a rookie or a veteran, this guide to the three most dangerous types of men in the dating jungle will help you to safely navigate these treacherous waters to the harbor of true love.

1. Bad Boys

So dangerous and alluring, yet hard to catch and even harder to keep. We all know them when we see them, but they still attract women in like moths to a flame. You could write a book on why bad boys are so seductive, but you can’t avoid being attracted; you can only resist their charms.

Remember, we call them bad for a reason; they sneer at danger and arrogantly assume the rules don’t apply to them. While they may not end up in prison, they thrive on breaking the rules—like with monogamy.

However, the more serious problem is with the boy part of their nature. Namely they are still immature, allergic to hard work and responsibility. Even if they commit to a long-term relationship, they can’t give up partying and playing enough to make a relationship work.

Your defense: The trick is to see them as the little fish that stole your bait but isn’t big enough to keep. You may be excited, but you have throw them back. They can only grow up in the ocean—not in the fish tank. Remind yourself that you are saying no for now and that some day you may catch them again when they are big enough to keep.

2. Players

Players are different from bad boys because they use deception to seduce women, rather than waving their red flags like a cape before a bull. Players are sexual con artists and the key to their game is an ability to skillfully lie. While they are usually well-dressed, smooth and confident, they can actually present themselves in a variety of different ways based on the con they are running. Their cons run the gamut from fake injuries to elaborate stories about fabulous trips they have never taken and are far too numerous to describe here.

Your defense: The bad news is that research shows it takes a liar to spot a liar, so trying to see through the con is unrealistic. The good news is that players are looking for low-hanging fruit and want to close the deal quickly. If you slow things down and try to get to know them, they will move on to easier pickings. Players know it is just a matter of time before you see through the con. In the rare case that a player doesn’t move on quickly, insist on meeting their female friends. Players usually don’t have any and if they do, you will either get a bad vibe from them or they will tip you off to the player’s game.

However, the most dangerous con a player can run is the one where he claims he has changed and wants a long-term relationship. He may actually want a long-term relationship, but always remember that chronic lying is highly addicting—an addition that requires at least a year of sobriety to begin to recover, just like any other.

3. Macks

If you have heard the term before you may have mistakenly assumed it was another name for a player or bad boy, but macks are different—and far more dangerous. Part of the reason why they are so dangerous is they can be great partners, husbands and fathers if they ever decide to be in a relationship. The problem is they can spend years or even decades playing the field with their revolving harem of women before they decide to commit, kind of like George Clooney who only recently got engaged.

Macks are cool and fun like bad boys, but they take their careers seriously and are highly successful. They are also smooth and confident like players, but they never stoop to deception to seduce a woman. Instead, his game is built around generating so much attraction in a woman that she surrenders and accepts being in his harem just to be around him.

Your defense: Thankfully, macks are rare and don’t try to hide their game, but you have to accept that you are the rule and not the exception. Go read He’s Just Not That Into You over and over again until it is burned into your brain. Always remember that until a mack is ready to commit there is nothing you can do to catch him.

Furthermore, the only reason a mack will put a ring on it is if he becomes utterly bored with the game like Ryan Gosling’s character in Crazy, Stupid, Love. Even then, you have to be prepared to immediately walk away—like Emma Stone was—if he starts to waver or change his mind.

Now before you get discouraged and decide to become a nun, recognize that these bad actors are only about 10 percent of the single men out there. That’s only one in ten, which leaves plenty of good men to fall in love with as long as you throw the little ones back, slow it down and respect yourself enough to walk away.

As always, please sign in and share your comments, questions and experiences below.

Namaste,

Dr. Scott

[image: via Sebastian Niedlich on flickr]

About the Author:

Scott Carroll

Dr. Scott Carroll is an associate professor of child and adolescent psychiatry and is the Director of Psychiatric Consultation Services at the University of New Mexico Children’s Hospital where he specializes in pediatric psycho-oncology and neuropsychiatry. He is also a full mesa carrying shaman in the Andean tradition and the founder of the Ayni Neuroscience Institute, which is dedicated to the integration of indigenous healing wisdom and cutting edge neuroscience. In his spare time, he writes about dating and relationships and mentors marriage minded singles at Marry the Right One.

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