Falling in love is so intoxicating, we often try to ignore the “blah” altogether. Face love with open eyes and an open heart, your romance will thank you.
Romantic comedies haven’t done us any favors, idealizing how a love “should” be. When you turn the movie off and snap back to reality, relationships are hard at the best of times. They require work, honesty, and a willingness to be vulnerable with one another.
When you open your heart you’re taking a chance, so why not know all the facts going in? Here are five reasons why falling in love can be terrible:
Sure you like the same movies and both love Thai food, but what about the BIG things—money, wanting to get married or not, to start a family or not, if monogamy is or isn’t a priority.
It is easy to see the person you’re falling for as pretty perfect at the beginning of a relationship; but as you get to know them, differences will arise, guaranteed. It’s about identifying if your life goals are at odds with one another—these may very well be deal breakers. It can be a hard truth to admit that you want to build two very different lives, and if you stick it out you, may just end up resenting each other.
Not to be all doom and gloom, because not all differences are bad; they can challenge us and help us to grow. It’s more about what the differences are and what we’re are willing and able to accept.
Becoming Obsessive & Anxious
Research has shown that people who are falling in love show the same low levels of serotonin as those suffering from Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. This can account for “intrusive thoughts” which can trap the person into cyclical thinking.
Love can also result in separation anxiety. When you’re in love, you can experience surges in dopamine, which can cause feelings of high anxiety.
When two people start in a relationship, food is definitely involved—there are dinners out, shared meals, and date nights (with popcorn, pop and licorice) out at the movies. Don’t get me wrong, food is a wonderful way to share and connect with one another; but, without a balanced lifestyle, it can also lead to weight gain.
A study out of Cornell University reported that on average, newlyweds gain more weight compared to singles or people who are widowed or divorced. Other research found that there’s a weight increase of about six to eight pounds within the first two years of getting hitched. With that concern in mind, setting health goals as a couple is a wonderful way to avoid health concerns before they even start.
There’s heaps of excitement and butterflies when you first meet someone you’re truly interested in; however, over time, the pair of you will begin to more clearly see the other, complete with eccentricities and issues.
No one is without problems, what’s more significant is what the problems are. If your love interest is showing signs of addiction, you need to understand you can’t fix them. Recovering from addiction is a personal journey that must be the choice of the addict.
If you stand by, helping them to self-destruct, you are enabling them. You will need to detach with love—let them go because you love them. This might seem counterintuitive, but it will help them in the long run.
Different Love Languages
Love is a verb, not some abstract concept. It’s vital that you are both able and willing to express your affection using the fitting love language—the one your loved one can actually hear.
- There is the love language of gifts, where they best experience you your care through tokens of affection.
- If their language is quality time, it is vital that there are moments and opportunities to be together, undistracted.
- Service is a language of love that uses actions to show how important the other person is. This puts your love into practice.
- If you partner’s love language is physical touch, find opportunities to reach out to them.
- If your partner needs to hear words of love, ensure that you say I love you but also offer words of gratitude, humility, encouragement and empathy.
If you speak different languages of love and are unable to switch dialects, your love will be lost in translation. Neither of you will sense the affection of the other; instead, you’ll feel horrible.
Falling in love is a wonderful experience, but make sure you aren’t glossing over warning signs of trouble ahead. If you heed the signals, you’ll be able to avoid a potential terrible turn in love.