in: Dating & Relationships

F*ck Being Serious: How to Date with a “Hell Yeah” Attitude

Krystal Baugher may have reentered the dating world, but she’s not taking it with a heavy heart. Ditch the serious face and learn how to date with joy.

Swiping through pics that include: neck tattoos, tigers, facial hair of all varieties and so many dead fish–-yep, it’s true, I am back on Tinder, which means I’m back to single, yet again.

A few months ago I thought I wanted a meaningful and deep relationship—and though that might be true, I decided to take a break from seriously searching for it.

I know, I know, all the hippie dippy people are screaming at me right now, telling me how I need to put out the energy of what I want into the world, or some mumbo jumbo that may or may not actually work.

But can’t a girl want two completely opposing things at the same time?

I’ve been having a lot of quiet time lately—mainly because the radio in my car died—and as I was driving down Highway 36 between Denver and Boulder for the millionth time this year, I came to realization that maybe I’m meant to be single for life.

Now I don’t mean “single for life,” in that dramatic, “I’ll never meet anyone,” way. I mean, in the “hell yeah! I’m going to enjoy my freedom and embrace the world as it presents itself to me (and I to it),” sort of way.

When we think about living the lives that we are truly passionate about and that we can truly be our happiest in, I imagine traveling the world with a lover one month then coming back to my badass apartment, where I live alone, followed by a lovely evening out on the town with my other lover the following week. My friends are my lovers and no one is necessarily on a higher priority scale than anyone else. We’re just people who want connection, intimacy, sex, vibrant conversation, joy etc.

Of course, I also want loyalty and someone to be there for me through the good and the bad—but I don’t see why it has to be so serious.

[NOTE: screw serious, find the one to feel gloriously non-serious with you, try MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.]

We’re serious about love in this culture and maybe it’s that seriousness that keeps so many of us from truly finding what we want. Instead of being open, we’re rushed to “find The One,” and when it’s forced, it’s not genuine and it’s not authentic. Instead it’s just a mirage of the real thing; like people playing out a scene in a movie, except the movie doesn’t end, it keeps going until one or both people break from the lack of legitimacy—or they die.

And why do we do this?

So we can be accepted by our culture? Our family? Our friends?

No. Fuck that.

Fuck being serious.

What’s the fun in living if it’s with some person who is just “okay,” someone who will “do”?

That’s not fair to either person because both parties deserve to be with someone who makes them thrive, who makes them feel vibrant.

And sometimes it takes people longer to find that special someone (or someones) than it does others.

We have to accept ourselves and our wants and needs. Other people’s desires for our conformity (or lack thereof in some cases) are not what’s going to drive us to fulfillment. We must keep our lives full of the things we want by being those things—if we want love, we must be love, if it’s joy, be joy, etc. Then all the other stuff will fall into place around it.

In a way it’s like the hippy dippy “putting what you want out into the Universe” thing, except it’s more than that, it’s being what you want from the Universe. Once you are, you’ll start recognizing it (whatever it is) in everything around you.

So yeah, I’m single again, but I’m not taking it seriously.

I’m going to swipe left and right (left on every dead fish pic for sure). I’m going to talk to cute guys in real life. I’m going to let friendships develop as they may. I’m going to go on first date after first date and try to tell the same story about myself in different ways. And I’m going to laugh and cherish these days because though they’re not like everyone else’s; they’re mine, and I’m going to own them.

Yes to the single life! Yes to love and vibrancy and joy all around!

[Image: via Nan Palmero on flickr]

About the Author:

Krystal Baugher

Krystal Baugherlives in Denver, Colorado. She is the founder of Go Eat a Carrot, a website dedicated to exploring the worlds of pleasure and politics. Find her on Instagram to stay up to date with all of her shenanigans.


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