For some of us, the dreaded “friend zone” can feel like the tenth circle of hell. Be smart, be intentional, and get your ass out of there.
There’s a curious shift that happens when we’re teenagers. After puberty, when we realize we actually like other people, it becomes exceedingly difficult to just be friends with the opposite sex.
I think it’s a challenge for guys and girls to just be friends—I really do think (at some point, at least) one part of the duo wants to sleep with the other person. It’s not a bad thing; it’s actually pretty natural. We tend to befriend people who have similar outlooks and interests, so it only makes sense that we fall for each other.
But there’s another side to the equation—“the friend zone.” It’s where I go when I meet someone with a wife or a girlfriend, or perhaps someone who just went through a breakup. It’s where I end up when I decide an ex’s friend is cute or my friend’s ex is the best thing I’ve ever seen.
The friend zone is a bit of a precarious situation because we’re usually there for a reason. But what happens when you want out of it? What happens when you decide you want to let him know you’re not just “one of the guys”?
Assuming they’re available—because that’s a huge part of the equation—there are a few things you can do. If they’re not available, I suggest maybe staying in the barely-friends zone; it’ll be best for everyone’s mental health. The realization that timing is everything goes a long way in those situations.
But, back to the original scene. There you are, you and this cool guy (who’s not dating you because you’re friend-zoned). You want nothing more than to show him you’re a real catch. How?
1. Be honest with yourself.
Take a second (or a week) to think about it first. I’ve pursued guys I was friends with out of boredom. I realize that sounds awful, but I’m being honest—it’s happened. It was the worst possible idea, because my intentions weren’t true and I lost a friend as a result.
Don’t try to date your friend because you’re lonely; however, if you sit down and think about it and come to the conclusion this person is it, go for it.
2. Think a little bit about why you’re in the friend zone.
Sometimes we end up in the friend zone for a really good reason. Maybe they’re best friends with your ex. Maybe you’re best friends with their ex. Maybe you work together daily and decided that’s too close for comfort. There are a multitude of reasons, so think about yours. If it’s something you can overcome—proceed.
[NOTE: if you realize there’s a damn good reason for your friend zone status, try MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.]
3. Be intentional with your actions.
The easiest way to show someone you’re into them is to act like you’re into them. But wait, we’re friends, won’t that be weird? Not if there’s a mutual attraction—and you only want to date someone who is mutually attracted to you. Believe me, I’ve tried to date guys who aren’t. I mean, tried with everything I have. It didn’t turn out well.
4. Say something (say anything).
If being intentional with your actions and letting Mr. Hopefully-Right is going the way you intended and he seems mutually into the whole thing—let him know. Have a conversation. Professing feelings is hard and can feel unnatural, but it’s the only way to get out of the grey. The great thing about talking about something is there’s no room left for grey—you know. He’s either into you or he isn’t. And your life moves on accordingly.
So say something. Get your ass out of that friend zone.
[image: via dr_zoidberg on flickr]