Q: I’m tired of being a player—how do I get real?

 

A: There are four things you can do to get rid of your player identity and start becoming an authentic man. The process will require a lot of work on the inner and outer you, but with these few steps you can take your growth to the next level. Let’s go over these steps one-by-one and get you on the right track to becoming real with the women you meet.

1. Stop treating women like objects and start treating them like people.

If you’re a player, then the only thing on your mind is how to use a woman for sex. We need to adjust this perspective.

Instead, look for women who have amazing personalities and for women are doing interesting things with their life. Gain satisfaction from having an insightful, intellectual conversation, rather than hurrying only to get them into bed. Women are beautiful creatures; and while sex is amazing, you should start admiring other things about them. Get to know them on a deeper, emotional level before you get sexual.

2. Meet Women in Different Settings

My guess is that you’re primarily finding women in bars and clubs. These are typical spots to find a woman who want to have a one-night stand or a purely sexual relationship.

Open your mind to new locations. Try talking to a woman at a farmer’s market, bookstore, or meet women through trusted friends. Treat any occasion as an opportunity to meet someone new. As a newly authentic man, you don’t have to wait for the next party or club-outing to get a date. When you come across the chance to meet someone new, take it.

3. Create Friendships with Women

You’re probably used to having sexual relationships—and sexual relationship only—with women. Let’s change this up. Start “friend-zoning” the women that you meet. Instead of looking at a girl as a possible date become friends with her. This will help you appreciate women on new levels—you’ll get to connect with them much differently than you have before. Most players go their entire life without making a true woman friend. Find someone you have common interests with and start spending time with her on a more personal (and non-sexual) level.

4. Be Real with Yourself

The previous tips I provided were good outer techniques, but most importantly you need to focus on you. In order for women to see the real and authentic side of you, you’ll need to be honest with yourself. Do you like you? It’s a deep question, but most guys who are players tend to have low self-esteem. They don’t feel confident, which is why they look for attachment-free sexual encounters with women. Over time, platers discover it’s a losing battle—they’ll only feel as good as their next sexual escapade. Learn to love yourself and be okay with who you are as a person. Once you do that, making more genuine connections with people will happen naturally; you’ll know what it means to start being real.

[photo: via flickr]

Tripp teaches men around the world how to meet, date, and build relationships with beautiful women. His specialty is in making deep connections with women and learning how to better socialize in order to have control over social interactions. His style uses all-natural methods and techniques to become a well-rounded individual rather than becoming something you’re not. He can be contacted on his website at http://www.trippadvice.com