Will you think of the perfect thing to say during or after your date? If you’re an introverted man, these five conversation hacks are especially for you.
Yes! You found a match on MeetMindful! The time, place, and date to meet are set. You’re feeling happy and excited about it. Suddenly, that excitement turns into worry. What will I talk about? What if I run out of things to say? What if there are awkward silences? What if, as usual, I come up with the perfect thing to say only when I’m back home analyzing the conversation?
If you’re asking yourself these questions, it’s perfectly normal. You’re not alone. And it’s not your fault.
You just need to learn how to have natural, mindful conversations. And luckily, it’s easier than you might think, as long as you have a structure and some tools to help you.
In my 20+ years of coaching introverted men to attract partners naturally, I’ve found five hacks to make sure you never run out of things to say. Today, I’d like to share them with you.
But before I do, let me give you something even better. Let me get you in the right mindset to go on a date.
Introverts are typically more thoughtful than extroverts. They think before they speak. They process information at a deeper level. That’s why it takes a bit longer for introverts to give answers.
If you are an introvert and you think this is a flaw, think again! Here’s why: while speaking before you think and having quick superficial responses can be a strength in social settings where there are many people involved, the opposite is usually true in one-on-one situations. That’s because one-on-one situations typically require deeper conversations. As an introvert, this is where you shine.
What you might think is your weakness is actually your biggest strength during a one-on-one date.
Just knowing that will make you much more confident.
I’ve also found that the number one reason why conversations don’t flow naturally is we are not comfortable and we fear we will run out of things to say. Instead of being mindful and present, we are stuck in our own heads worrying what we should say.
Here are five conversation hacks that will help you eliminate that fear so you can be present and have mindful conversations.
1. Prepare in advance so you can be mindful on the date.
Prepare five conversation topics. Don’t make it a script, because that would not be authentic; however, it helps to have conversation topics ready in your back pocket for later use, if necessary. It also helps to have three unique questions to ask about each topic. When you do this, your mind will be able to relax and be present during the date—that’s because you know that if you ever run out of things to say, you still have these topics in your back pocket. Examples include their best holiday ever, where your date grew up, family, the most embarrassing moment in their life, passions, what they wanted to become when they were younger, etc.
2. Have a safety net.
Fun little games can be great safety nets. If you prepared your five topics in advance, you probably will never need them; however, just knowing you have a safety net will make you feel even safer and more relaxed—that will increase your mindfulness during the date. In the unlikely event that you run out of things to say, you just fall into your safety net.
Here’s a great little game to play called the questions game: the rules are that you can ask your date any question you want and they can do the same, but you can’t ask a question that the other person has already asked. Just set it up like this: “Hey, I heard about a fun game to play on first dates—want to give it a try?”
3. Imagine they’re already your partner or someone you’ve known for years.
Think about it. Are your conversations with people you already know and feel comfortable with difficult? Probably not. Do you have awkward silences? Probably not.
As strange as it might sound, just acting as if you two are already dating makes you more relaxed and present. That will get you into a mindful mode.
4. Act like the best version of yourself.
If you feel the conversation is not going how you hoped it would, ask yourself “What would the ideal me say or do in this moment?”
Again, it might seem strange, but when you do this you’ll act differently and it will save your date.
5. Go for a walk first.
Instead of meeting your date at the venue, try meeting them outside the venue. When they arrive, suggest going for a short walk first. This will give both of you time to relax. Usually when you’re relaxed you’re more present, and that’s great for a free-flowing conversation.
When you walk together, talking is easier and silences don’t feel awkward because you’re not staring at each other. Also, there’s plenty of opportunities to make comments about the environment. After 15 minutes of walking you’ll be more comfortable with each other, and you can then go to the venue. Your date and conversation will go much more smoothly.
Also, remember this: you’ve prepared everything. You have a flexible conversation structure ready, you’ve mentally rehearsed it, you have a safety net at your disposal, and you both warmed up by walking together. Nothing can go wrong! Just enjoy the moment!
Have a great date!
What are your best tips for free-flowing conversations? Share them in the comments section below.
About the Author
Nick Neeson is the world’s leading dating coach for introverted men and the highest payed dating consultant on the planet. He founded Introverted Badass to help smart introverted men become badass with women, without being someone they’re not. Introverted Badass is the market leader for introverted men, looking to improve their dating skills naturally, without using lies, tricks or manipulation. Go to Introverted Badass.com/MeetMindful-Special-Gift/ to get a special gift bundle exclusively for MeetMindful readers.