Have you become experts in one another’s faults and forgotten things you adore? Heed these relationship warning signs to turn things around for the better.
I have worked with men and women for the past 15 years, helping them navigate all phases of their relationships. During that time, a clear pattern emerged which signaled more than a relationship in trouble, but a relationship headed for ruin. For many of us who have gone through the dissolution of a long-term relationship, we know the issues don’t crop up overnight, but are a result of wounds festering over time.
By understanding signs of significant fracture, we place ourselves in a position of empowerment. We allow ourselves the chance to repair and fix things before too much time passes and the damage is far too great to repair.
These are the five top relationship warning signs that your relationship is in need of some serious TLC:
1) There are more arguments than peaceful moments.
An argument here or a disagreement there is perfectly fine (quite normal, in fact). That said, when we find that we are in more heated conversations than we are joyful ones, it’s a sign we are lacking harmony in our relationship.
2) There is a running pattern in your arguments.
Themes in the topic of your arguments is just as important to pay attention to as the frequency, for it reveals issues that have gone unresolved. When we argue over the same things again and again, it means each person left the conversation not feeling heard or seen. It signals that rather than healing, the wounds remain open and left to fester.
3) There is a lack of vulnerability between you and your partner.
Nothing can breed greater resentment or create deeper fracture than when there is an inability to feel vulnerable with our partner. Typically, this comes when we have exposed our deepest feelings and were ridiculed or not held in support. This is when we begin to build walls that cut off the emotional center of a relationship.
4) You become well-versed in each other’s faults and less aware of each other’s gifts.
One of the greatest causes of break up and divorce is criticism. Whether it’s our partner doing it to us or us dishing it out to them, criticism creates perhaps the greatest divide between couples. It leaves us feeling less-than and disrespected.
5) Power (rather than healing) is the greater focus.
A relationship should leave both partners feeling they have a say about the life they share together. When we are more concerned with holding the power, we lose sight of the reason we came together in the first place…love. Love is not about ruling or creating an oppressive environment. Love makes room for each person to feel heard, seen, and given room to make decisions about the life you are building together.
If you see these trends in your relationship it does not mean that all is for naught. It does mean, however, the work to heal must be started immediately. All paths can be righted when we work together in our relationships.