Mindful Moment #47 - Revolving Resolutions

Revolving Resolutions

Back in January, I set an alarm on my phone to check in with myself about my annual New Year resolutions. It went off today, surprising me in line at the bank. Whoops.

I didn’t exactly make resolutions this year as much as I adopted a “word of the year,” which was/is: Transformation. I made a bunch of plans to transform desired aspects of my life, and I even wrote about it for all of you, hoping to share the inspiration. I busily filled out planners and took notes and…set alarms on my phone.

I would like to report that everything is going swimmingly and that all of my transformation plans are well underway and happening! I would like to. But I can’t.

I have fallen victim to that age-old problem: complacency. This does not bode well if you are wanting to make changes, but it’s superb if you are content with life.

Am I content with life? Yes and no.

I think being complacent is like living on a merry-go-round. I got on this ride, picked a place to sit down, enjoyed the view and decided, “eh, this is nice, let’s keep riding it.” Over time, I’ve grown committed to the groove of the known. I’ve got this little realm of existence spinning around me. I’m seemingly seeing 360 degrees in all directions, so no surprises there. I have a routine. It’s comfortable and predictable. As the merry-go-round keeps spinning, it’s become so familiar that I’ve kind of forgotten that I’m on a moving apparatus.

But eventually, even as I have become accustomed to this particular revolving circuit, I have grown and now want a change. Maybe I’m just looking for a new perspective. Maybe I’m ready to get on a different ride. Maybe the merry-go-round just needs a break to cool its engines and get some overdue maintenance work done.

That first step off the ride can be jarring, though. Like a sailor too long at sea has to get their land-legs back, it takes a minute to adjust your bearings when you get off the merry-go-round. You might even fall down if you don’t time it correctly. There is some appeal in just getting back on the ride. You know it, it’s comfortable, reliable, and safe.

This is where I am. I have taken a step off the ride to approach my “transformation” goals at least a half-dozen times. I stumbled and dabbled and half-assed it, and then I got back on the ride. I know the ride. It’s my ride, after all. All my stuff is still there.

And therein lies the question. Am I ready to transform? Am I actually ready to make the changes in my life that I profess to want? Am I ready to do the work? Am I committed to it?
Apparently, if I am being real with myself, the answer is no. I’d like to be. I want to be ready and committed, but I am not. I know I am not the only one who makes these big plans for themselves and then proceeds to chicken out on the follow through. It’s kind of the running joke around resolutions, right? So now, the challenge is to figure out why. Why do most of us stumble when we get off the ride?

These are just some of my self-diagnosed issues—maybe some of them are familiar to you.

Lack of preparation. I am a really big talker. I can hype myself up and dream up all of these plans, but enacting them often requires more than just the dream. The athletic endeavors require proper shoes, attire, and accessories, all of which cost money. The career endeavors require a different level of planning that must involve deadlines, self-education, and paid-for education. The creative undertakings need to be scheduled and treated with as much dedication as a job, but when will I have time? I have to make time. If I am not ready to make time, then I won’t have any. Some plans involve other people helping me. If they don’t have the bandwidth, then they won’t be able to help like I had hoped.

Lack of realistic time frames. Resolution goals sort of revolve around the time span of a year, but nearly all of my plans will surely take longer than a year to accomplish. And if I have piled four different very big goals together into my “transformation” plan, there is just not going to be enough days in the year to get them all done. Plus, if I underestimate how long it will take me to actually complete step 1, all following steps will be delayed until step 1 is done.

Failure to set small achievable goals on the pathway to the larger goal. I feel like I did try to create smaller goals, but in reality, they weren’t granular enough. There was no known, stepwise pathway laid out in advance. And when I did make some headway toward one goal, it often exploded my plans with more new and improved plans. I am just a fountain of ideas! But fountains don’t go anywhere—they just keep circulating on themselves endlessly.
Not being in the right head space to follow through. The head space to follow through on my plans requires much more focus than I have, currently. It’s not just me in this life with 18 spare hours a day to dedicate to any one thing. I have a lot of “regular” stuff to attend to, as well—as a parent, a partner, and just a human living on the planet, I have commitments. Transformation can’t really be successful if it means neglecting something of already great importance unless I have made appropriate arrangements and delegations.

Self-sabotaging to pre-empt failure. I know I can’t be the only who does this, and I do not like to admit it, but one of my biggest flaws is self-sabotage. I expect success. I plan on it. And I tell myself that my results should be as close to my perfect vision as I have dreamed it. If the project isn’t turning out to be what I envisioned, what’s the point, really? Instead of growing through the learning process, I just quit. Surely, I can adapt and adjust when things need to shift to accommodate reality, but I don’t. When I see things start to slide off-kilter, I just go ahead and give it a nudge so it will fall over. Smash the sandcastle before the waves can, right?

Losing joy in the dream. There are a couple of reasons a project loses its appeal for me. 1. My “pie in the sky” estimates of how easy it would be to do something were so far off, the chances of me finishing the project are nearly null. 2. You know when you get the chance to eat something you love too often or in too great of quantities? Eventually, I just get sick of that food and ruin it for myself. I may never want to see, smell, or taste it again! Yeah, that can happen with projects, too.

Maybe you can see yourself in some of these resolution pitfalls. Knowing that these things can happen, or did happen for you, as well, can at least give you some insight as to how to adjust your expectations for any dreams you were hoping to pursue. I suggest surveying where you are and where you *actually* want to be. Allow yourself to regroup. Prioritize your original goals. Consider eliminating a goal or two if a new perspective has made them less appealing. Understand that it is okay to take longer, to do the project differently, to be less than perfect, and to quit.

It’s okay to get back on the merry-go-round, too, if that’s what you want. Sometimes getting off the ride is what it takes for us to know that we really want to stay.

As always, friends,
Namaste.

Amy

INSPIRATIONS THIS WEEK

We’re feeling inspired by these incredible and thought provoking pieces:

The first wiring map of an insect’s brain hints at incredible complexityResearchers have mapped the more than 500,000 connections in the intricate brain of a fruit fly larva. This map, they say, could help scientists figure out how learning changes the human brain, too.
This Breakthrough Could Make Longer-Lasting Batteries and Better Power Grids—if It WorksA new superconductor could revolutionize energy, but doubts surround the researchers, who published a similar paper in 2020 that was later retracted
A 3 Million-Year-Old Discovery May Rewrite the History of Intelligent Life on EarthA set of ancient stone tools may have been made by a species unrelated to modern humans, a new finding suggests.

That’s all for today, y’all – remember, taking time to focus on you is an act of love.

We hope you found this helpful – don’t hesitate to reply with any feedback on how we can improve future Mindful Moments! We can’t wait to hear from you.