in: Dating & Relationships

The New Rule Book: How Soon Should I Text After the First Date?

Before our digital age, timing was everything. My how times have changed. Chuck that old rule book, this is when you should text after a first date. 

Forget the few or many of the past. Their day is done. Let’s talk about your next date, or better yet four minutes prior to the conclusion of your next date. You have clearly expressed you would like to meet up again. Your date of course, is in complete agreement. 

Often after a great first date I can be quick to attach myself to that person for oh, well the rest of my life. Imagining how all my friends will love them, my mother’s pleasure regarding them being a non-smoker and thinking about whether it’s too soon to make them my plus one for the next years snowboarding trip that requires a deposit in a few weeks. This is my habit. After spending two hours together I let my imagination take over and that often gets me in trouble. Think about the time you take when deciding to buy a new bicycle, change mobile phone companies or how long you debated before you finally decided on your favorite yoga teacher. 

Instead of daydreaming, I’ve found a great thing to do is simply reflect. You enter your room, sit on your chair and stay quiet with your thoughts. You don’t text your friends or update your status. You take a moment to reflect on the person whose company you kept. As you quietly choose from the many memories of the evening you know… that was a damn good date.

What now? Should you text tonight to say you had a great time? Wait for your date to text to say they had a great time? Or per Swingers wait six days to contact your baby?

History has led us to believe that there is a formula to the timing of text messaging. Many of us have a vague recollection of someone we think we scared off with too much attention too soon or a person we ourselves rebuffed for being a bit thirsty. These are situations of the past. Fear not, I will provide you with the perfect solution to your texting woes that works differently yet exceptionally in every situation.

The perfect time to text is when you feel like texting. Trust your instincts.

I often hear people describe dating as exhausting and stressful. And this is before they actually go on the date. This can often be the case because people feel as if they need to be on their best behavior.

[NOTE: if you fall into this exhausted, stressed-out category, and are ready for conscious, like-minded individuals you really want to meet, try MeetMindful for free today—the fastest growing dating site for conscious singles.]

Your date wants to get to know you, not the version of you that just graduated from charm school. Trying to anticipate the right thing to do is exhausting and impossible. You will never know what someone else is thinking. The only feelings you can be certain of are your own. 

Instead of trying to guess what your date is thinking or going to think when they receive your text—let your feelings guide you. Express yourself honestly and in your own time.

Great importance is based on physical attraction, living on the same train line or mutual interest but having similarities in the way you communicate is super important in any relationship, platonic or romantic.

I love talking on the phone and the last time I met a man who liked to do that, it was 1991. Men should be heard as well as seen so a potential partner of mine is going to like to shoot the breeze. But no facetime—there I drawn the line.

Deviating communication styles doesn’t necessarily mean the relationship will struggle but being aware of your different styles can prevent hurt feelings due to miscommunication. I can sometimes take days to return a text message. Never anything to do with the sender, it just happens that way. If someone is used to having their texts returned within five minutes, a two day text return might translate as rudeness. Assumptions based on miscommunication can affect a relationship before it’s had the time to grow stronger and become accustomed to surpassing the little things.  

The only rule with texting after a first date or texting in general, is there are no rules.

I remind myself that my purpose is not to mislead anyone. Our aim is not to pull people in using a persona we think they want to see. You don’t need to trick them with your ability to do a headstand, celebrities you’re vaguely acquainted to or how many times you’ve completed back to back spinning classes. The person they want to see is you. This is about making a match, not creating an illusion you have to sustain. 

So feel free to text or not text to your hearts content. Communication with a date should be as casual and carefree as it is with your friends (your date should be your friend too). Be who you are and attract someone who is looking for someone just like you. 

[image: via aaronisnotcool on flickr]


About the Author:

Dominique Howard

Dominique Howard is a lover of all things (naps and laughing rank very highly). She believes the power of kindness is underrated. Feel free to say hello to her at [email protected]. When you love and accept yourself - the possibilities are infinite.


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