Whether you’re looking to quell the anxieties of dating or calling to the Universe to find your one true love, mindful living can help you date better.
We’ve all been there before. You‘ve met someone, they’re amazing. So far this person is everything you’re looking for: smart, funny, romantic, sensitive, driven, family-oriented, educated, the works. You’ve been talking for a few days now and you’re just waiting for the right time to ask this person out. You tell yourself you’re still feeling them out. Making sure they like you; reading all of the body language and innuendo, reassuring yourself before making that head-long plunge. Or maybe you’re old-fashioned and you want to allow them to take the lead, but their lead seems to be going nowhere no matter how hard or obvious you tug the line, and your patience is starting to wear thin.
What do you do?
I know some of you may let your frustration get the best of you and you’ll decide to run full-tilt with an ultimatum, which usually has people running full-tilt in the complete opposite direction (or who knows you may luck out and they like an aggressive go-getter). Or your emotions may fall flat, and with it your hopes of ever finding true love, giving up on the entire idea of dating. This, with all intents and purposes, creates the same reaction as before with your crush walking away confused because a minute ago you seemed totally into them and then the next minute you don’t even acknowledge their existence.
No wonder most people find dating such a trial!
Why don’t we just take a moment to breathe, huh? Breathe out the anxiety, tension, expectations, and imagined body-clock tick-tick-ticking sounds. Just breathe, nice and deep. All the way in and then slowly all the way out.
Let’s do this a couple of more times and imagine ourselves letting go of the tension and anxiety as we release the constriction in our muscles starting from our head, jaw, neck, and shoulders and working our way down our arms, chest, hands, torso, all the way until we get to our feet…
Phew! Now doesn’t that feel better? You even stopped thinking about “Bae” for an entire minute! Good for you! Most often if we can just remember to take a step back and breathe it will help calm all of those overwhelming emotions we feel when something important to us is at stake.
I want to take a deeper look at what it is we consider is at stake though, because more often than not it’s our perception of what we think is at stake that is holding us back from achieving what we want and nothing else. By perception I mean, the preconceived notion that if we don’t “find a life-partner” by a certain time, or if they don’t have the right set of names on their breeding stock resume, or heck dresses in funny socks, then our life is ruined! These notions are just the knock-knock-knock of indoctrinated mumbo-jumbo our parents, friends, church, society, etc., has beaten into us coming to the fore to wreak havoc with our lives. Let’s not allow this black cloud to rain on our dating parade. Let’s have some fun!
How do we do that?
How do we let go of years of Auntie Ann telling us to suck in our guts or we’ll never have that hour-glass figure men like so much or, “Put a tie on for kripes sake! You don’t want her to find out you’re a slob and don’t know how to dress yourself do you?!”
How do we stop listening to our mother’s voices that just follow us everywhere we go and criticize everything we eat or do no matter how far away we live from them?
How do we stop berating ourselves, like our fathers used to, for how much trouble we may create if we wear that outfit that just screams, “Lick me” or, “If you don’t graduate and get a good career how do you expect to find any woman worth her salt who wants you?”
How do we let go of other people’s voices in our head so that the only voice we do hear is the tiny one that’s been snuffed out and trampled on our whole lives so we can finally hear what it is that we actually want?
We breathe. We meditate. We go quiet and we go inward for however long it takes.
Time is just an illusion.
We have all the time in the universe to answer these questions.
Once we’ve learned to quiet all the other voices and removed them from the constant drama that plays itself out in our heads every day, then we can start asking ourselves, is this Mr. or Mrs. Perfect my Mr. or Mrs. Perfect or someone else’s? Is this person the one I’m truly looking for or am I just trying to please someone else? Am I even ready to start dating? Do I really want a relationship right now or am I truly passionate about advancing my career, or exploring the world, or just enjoying my independence?
Answer these questions for yourself and you will find that dating, when you know you’re ready, becomes as easy as pie. No longer will you feel the nagging sensations of always needing to impress or bombard your date with question after question to find that one deal-breaker so you can stop wasting your time and move on. No longer will you wonder at the end of every date if they like you or not. No longer will you terrorize yourself, and possibly your date, with an overwhelming need for reassurances or pressures to commit (dun dun DUN!).
No longer will you feel anything but happy in who you are; who you have finally found yourself out to be. So comfortable in your own skin now and wishing to just share it with another, no matter their breeding stock, because you will know and accept yourself; therefore becoming accepting of everyone else. You have become so accepting and loving of yourself and everyone that it no longer matters if anyone else accepts you. You could also find you want to keep this newfound knowledge to yourself for a bit and that’s okay too.
Remember, you have all the time in the world to find your partner. Have faith that when you are ready, the Universe will know it and they will come to you. Dating can be fun and easy as finding your new life-long best friend who laughs and grows with you and does all of the crazy antics you find so amusing just to make you giggle. You will start to see dating as just another opportunity to make very deep and intimate friendships, and oh, who just happens to be fantastic in bed too!