in: Wellness

Releasing Yourself from Resentment, Regret & Rejection

Guest Contributor

Between tough times and the lessons you learn is often a large span of resentment, regret and rejection. Tara Greenway wants you to move on and here’s how.


Remember the 3 R’s we all learned in elementary school: reading, writing, and ‘rithmetic? Well, most of us have a different set of 3 R’s as adults: regret, resentment and rejection. Those are some R’s you want and need to forget… but how?

First, let’s talk about how you got all those R’s in the first place:

1) You fell in love. It was beautiful and it worked, then it stopped working.

2a) Your partner left the relationship, and you felt rejected.

Or maybe 2b) you saw that you had fallen for this person for all the wrong reasons, and you were the one who left. You know you did the right thing, but you regret getting into the relationship in the first place.

Or maybe 2c) the whole relationship really blew up in both your faces (maybe in your children’s faces as well). It went on for years, and it was terrible, and you resent the toll it took.

Or maybe all of the above, at different times in your life.

So there you are—by yourself for now, with your 3 R’s wrapped around you for protection, so you don’t make those same mistakes again. But here’s the thing: the 3 R’s don’t actually protect you. They seem like they do, because they are thick and very heavy. But really, they just weigh you down, like a wearing a wool coat while trying to swim.

What protects you from repeating the same mistakes is not your resentment, or regret, or sense of rejection; it’s the wisdom you ultimately gleaned from those relationships that now protects you. It’s your connection to the Universe itself that protects you, not your regret or resentment or rejections.

So all you have to do is figure out precisely what that wisdom you gleaned from those past relationship is (which you already know deep down; you just need to verbalize it). Then you simply release your ex-partners from teaching you that wisdom, that priceless lesson. And you will be free…free to pursue the kind of relationship you want, not the kind you used to have and are assiduously protecting yourself from.

Free from those leaden feelings of rejection, regret, and resentment.

Here’s how: 

1.) Ask yourself “Who do I resent?” or “Who do I regret my relationship with?” Or “Who do I feel rejected by?”

Probably the first person who pops into your mind will be your most recent ex-partner. We’ll get to them, but to get to the deepest healing here, go back further. Go back to your first love. You could go back even further… back to your parents. Then go on up through the years from there.

2.) Once you’ve got your list, ask yourself, “What lesson did each person teach me?”

This is the only part that’s a bit tricky, because often people come up with negative lessons, like “Well, he taught me never to trust a man again.”

Maybe he did, but what we are looking for is the wisdom, the positive lesson that eventually resulted from all the problems, even if it took years… even if you never realized it until right now. If your ex taught you that you couldn’t trust him, for example, then did he maybe teach you never to trust a man more than you trust yourself? If you resent or feel rejected by your dad, was it because he never seemed to value you for who you were? Then, is it possible he taught you the crucial lesson of valuing yourself no matter what those around you think?

3.) After you’ve pinpointed the lesson you’ve learned from each relationship, visualize that person in your mind, as specifically as you can, and tell them: “I release you from teaching me                      [fill in the lesson]. Thanks for the instruction. I’ve got it now. You can go.”

Then they will go, truly, from your inner life. Imagine the free time you’ll have when you stop giving all that energy to people you resent, regret, and feel rejection from. You can learn a whole new language, or start to hang-glide or something!

Every day, in my ThetaHealing® practice, I help clients pinpoint and release their 3 R’s. I love watching what happens next in their lives.

When you release your 3 R’s, you manifest relationships that are different than those you’ve had in the past, because you have now made conscious the things you’ve been unconsciously trying to work through. You are done with relationships that cause you to feel regret and resentment and rejection. You are ready for what you really want and truly deserve.

Congratulations on clearing your 3 R’s and graduating into the rest of your life!

[Image: via Michael Coghlan on Flickr]

Tara Greenway, a certified Master ThetaHealer® and co-founder of ThetaHealing®NYC, loves helping people heal and tara greenwaymanifest their life vision. She is an author (featured in Gary Null’s FOR WOMEN ONLY), an interfaith minister licensed in NY, and a member of the Association of Comprehensive Energy Psychology (ACEP). In addition to 10 years working with ThetaHealing clients and students, Tara has worked with kids for over 25 years, including teens at the ‘I Have A Dream’ Foundation, grieving children at Long Island College Hospital’s Healing Center, and welfare hotel children. Topics Tara can speak to include chronic pain, abuse survivors, anxiety and depression, adoptive parenting, religion, the mind/body connection, performing arts anxieties and success, and spirituality and sexuality. For any questions or helpful comments Tara is available through YouTubeTwitterFacebook and HERE.

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